I begin to recall what soberness was like, just to have it all dashed away again last night. I do stupid things when I drink. I like to drink. Its what i do. It is as much a part of me now as my hand is a part of my body. I don't really know when I began to realize this. But I do now. I do drink to get drunk, I drink just because I feel I need it. I blew 60 bucks on beer at one time before. Not that cheap beer either. That high power imported shit. I'm not a functioning boozer either. I break and fall apart. Like some gear has become loose and is gonna defile myself. You don't even want to know what I was doing last night, and where I found myself this morning. I don't know, not really... not anymore... And I won't quit either not till I am done. Not till something terrible happens or I am dead. One or the other.

Do you remember when we used to dance in the sunlight?

It was such a long time ago since I've felt that good.

Since you've left I haven't been happy

I remember in the park there were kids playing and the wind was blowing.

I sat and watched you chase the leaves across the cool grass

The sun beat down upon me but I wasn't hot

You ran up to me and laid next to me and wrapped my arm around you

You said never to let you go

but I did for a moment

Now your gone

I haven't seen your face, your eyes staring back at me

in so very long

I've forgotten what it felt like to be alive

I'm empty, just a shell

I miss dancing in the sunlight.

I got a new electric guitar.

Geocities sucks! I am kinda currently looking for a new electric guitar. I have one already but it is a piece of crap. I was checking out Sam Ash dot com, they seem to have some pretty nice prices. I dunno I really don't need a new one, but I want one. In other news... Umm I don't know... Nothing new really. I am constantly thinking I am going to get fired. I guess I am over reacting. Who else are they going to get to work on saturday and sunday? Oh yeah, the warped tour is coming! On July 29th it'll be in Tampa at the USF soccer stadium. I am seriously thinking of going. My friends Ken and Jeff and they're respectives all wanna go."Where is my coffee?" So it's like up to me to get the tickets and stuff, I hate responsiblity. I waste too much time screwing around with this computer.

I've been playing the lottery lately. I buy 4 tickets a week. I've come to the conclusion that winning the lottery is the only way i am going to be happy. The lack of money is keeping me from exploring the planet and discovering things that every human must discover. Take for instance if i was to meet a girl from Texas or Nepal and fall head over heels in love with her, i couldn't go see her. I'd be stuck here.... and that is what i hate. I hate being stuck in a situation, and totally unable to break free from it. Being a slave to the new world is a terrible thing. America the land of the free? I am not free, I am still bound by a unseen force. I am bound by poverty. I am not the priveleged class. I wanna win the lottery. i am going to win the lottery. I am going to win, that is the only thing that can save me from being here and now and stuck! So it has to happen right? I am going to win!

I've met alot of people recently that are stuck in areas of life that don't concide with mine. I mean I always thought that love conquered all and everything was supposed to take a backseat to that. I never knew that there was anything more, anything different. I guess i was wrong. It seems that life and living it takes a step ahead of love. People aren't willing to make sacrifices anymore to have love. True love i still think conquers all, but maybe what I've been seeing is just a fragment of love or soething. Not quite sure I'll have to get back to you on that.

Eureka! Scientists break speed of light

SCIENTISTS claim they have broken the ultimate speed barrier: the speed of light.

In research carried out in the United States, particle physicists have shown that light pulses can be accelerated to up to 300 times their normal velocity of 186,000 miles per second.


The implications, like the speed, are mind-boggling. On one interpretation it means that light will arrive at its destination almost before it has started its journey. In effect, it is leaping forward in time.


Exact details of the findings remain confidential because they have been submitted to Nature, the international scientific journal, for review prior to possible publication.


The work was carried out by Dr Lijun Wang, of the NEC research institute in Princeton, who transmitted a pulse of light towards a chamber filled with specially treated caesium gas.


Before the pulse had fully entered the chamber it had gone right through it and travelled a further 60ft across the laboratory. In effect it existed in two places at once, a phenomenon that Wang explains by saying it travelled 300 times faster than light.