Jan 15, 2001
It's one of those nights when I feel like I'm the only one awake. Even all my online buddies are in bed and fast asleep. After all it is early sunday morning. But days have no meanings to me anymore really. I sleep till I awake and then trudge to work where I sit at my desk for 8 hrs and then I am here till the morning. It's become a routine. On my days off I sleep even later and then skulk around my house till the next day. I then start it all over again. In some viscious cycle. I've become bored of the outside world, and keep to myself. People enrage me, and only make me bitter. I've discovered Jazz, and it's become what makes me move or not move for that matter. I miss life and all that i never did with it. I miss wasting it.
Jan 14, 2001
The problem with democracy
What makes us as american think we are any different that any other human being on the planet? Is it because we have capital? Is it because we have all these extravegant things? Is it because we think we are cooler? Americans are the ones destroying the planet for the most part. With money there comes greed and disallusionment. We don't even know we are doing it, but we are. Some of us have monstrous cars that expell copius amounts of toxic gases into the atmosphere, and then complain about cigarette buts in the grass. People buying things they don't really need. I know it's not always easy to not buy. But in all honesty we have become a society that feels that we must have the newest gadgets and top of the line clothing. When what we have will keep us covered and warm. Business men wear super tight neckties, and $500 dollars suits whith $200 dollar shoes. Then complain about the Jinco's they're son just bought. Can't they see it's all the same? I do not understand, what we have become. "My car is bigger", "How dare you pass me, Vrrrrooooom" and we see the poor people and cast fear and hate upon them, but maybe they are free-er than you and I. They have not the same worries as we do. I've noticed that the more money I make, the more I spend. To keep myself fit within my class, Just to survive now it takes me almost everything I make.
My job is my source of income, my soul source of income. And I make $10.50 per hour. That is roughly $1290 a month. Minus $200 for the car leaves $1090, Insurance being a young single male costs me another $200, now we are down to $890. I drive 50 miles a day and fill my car up 7 times a month costing me $140. That leaves me with $750. And I have a student loan that is $100 and food which is $5 a day dor a grand total of $250 a month. That takes me down to $500 a month. So now my cell, burdines for work clothes bill, and miscellaneous credit cards is about another $100. So I got $400 left over. And it seems there are always unexpected expenses like changing the oil in my car, and going out to eat, drinking, Movie rentals, and coffee at 7-11, so monthly I'd add that up to about $400 dollars. So that leaves me with nothing. How did I ever survive before I had this job? I have no idea. I am at a loss of words.
I guess what I am really trying to say is, I don't want to work anymore. I don't see the purpose in working. If I din't work I wouldn't need a cell phone, car, business clothes, all I would really need is food. but now I've gotten here and I can't regress. It's all lost and that in itslef is the problem with the american system. It only gives you what you need and not what you want.
What makes us as american think we are any different that any other human being on the planet? Is it because we have capital? Is it because we have all these extravegant things? Is it because we think we are cooler? Americans are the ones destroying the planet for the most part. With money there comes greed and disallusionment. We don't even know we are doing it, but we are. Some of us have monstrous cars that expell copius amounts of toxic gases into the atmosphere, and then complain about cigarette buts in the grass. People buying things they don't really need. I know it's not always easy to not buy. But in all honesty we have become a society that feels that we must have the newest gadgets and top of the line clothing. When what we have will keep us covered and warm. Business men wear super tight neckties, and $500 dollars suits whith $200 dollar shoes. Then complain about the Jinco's they're son just bought. Can't they see it's all the same? I do not understand, what we have become. "My car is bigger", "How dare you pass me, Vrrrrooooom" and we see the poor people and cast fear and hate upon them, but maybe they are free-er than you and I. They have not the same worries as we do. I've noticed that the more money I make, the more I spend. To keep myself fit within my class, Just to survive now it takes me almost everything I make.
My job is my source of income, my soul source of income. And I make $10.50 per hour. That is roughly $1290 a month. Minus $200 for the car leaves $1090, Insurance being a young single male costs me another $200, now we are down to $890. I drive 50 miles a day and fill my car up 7 times a month costing me $140. That leaves me with $750. And I have a student loan that is $100 and food which is $5 a day dor a grand total of $250 a month. That takes me down to $500 a month. So now my cell, burdines for work clothes bill, and miscellaneous credit cards is about another $100. So I got $400 left over. And it seems there are always unexpected expenses like changing the oil in my car, and going out to eat, drinking, Movie rentals, and coffee at 7-11, so monthly I'd add that up to about $400 dollars. So that leaves me with nothing. How did I ever survive before I had this job? I have no idea. I am at a loss of words.
I guess what I am really trying to say is, I don't want to work anymore. I don't see the purpose in working. If I din't work I wouldn't need a cell phone, car, business clothes, all I would really need is food. but now I've gotten here and I can't regress. It's all lost and that in itslef is the problem with the american system. It only gives you what you need and not what you want.
Jan 12, 2001
Jan 11, 2001
I know, I know, I fucking know. It's been about forever since I updated this page. I've been a busy boy though. Actually I've acomplished a whole lot of nothing in the past month or so, but it's all good. I've been working lately and going out on alot of dates. I've met alot of really weird people, and a few cool ones. I think I might write a book about internet dating, I mean I am the master. I've met girls and within a 1/2 an hour been out on a date with them. I feel though that I'll never find exactly what I'm looking for, because in all truth I'm not sure myself what I'm looking for. i thought I just wanted to meet a nice girl and settle down and start a average life with kids and all that stuff, but the more I think about it and the more girls I meet, the less I want Just average. Lets face it average is boring! I want excitement, and a real fire to just burn me! And I haven't found that yet. I also need more than average beauty. I once was in awe of an average girl, that had great charm and bright personality. But that didn't get me too far. I want to look at someone and everyday be in awe of them. I think Wendy made me this way, because I truly think she was beautiful. If she hadn't left me, and ran off. Then I'd think I would still be with her. She had a really great personality, and a charming face...and we understood each other. She knew when I was upset and what I was thinking, and I truly believe that scared her away. It was too perfect. But anyways.... I think I'm just going to be single for a while. And let nature take it's course.
In other news my Job still blows! I will begin looking for something else hopefully soon. I want to see what I can do in the day trading market also. I have a friend that is quite knowledgeable about it, and I've been trying to leech all the info I can from him. I always meet the oddballs and this guy is no exception. But brilliance always comes in an unmistakable different form. I did my budget last week. It seems that with bills and other expendatures I'll have an extra 260 a month left over for going out money. This I feel is just not enough. I didn't even add the money I would like to be putting away into savings, computer upgrades, beer, and other fun shit! So hopefully I'll get off my ass and get a looking for a new job!
Actually I don't have much fun anymore, the only real fun I can recognize is playing my drums. I love my drums. Even though I don't jam on them as much as I should. I do a little bit everyday or almost, but still I'm not sounding the way I'd like too. I know my neighbors have to be sick of them already, but I gotta keep it up. I mean it's the only real fun I have! I do ocassionally have fun when I'm out and about. Like tonite when me and a girl went out to Hopps. She is a bit loud and it was refreshing to see someone that was totally at home in their skin. I wish I was more myself. I just love a girl that can use the word "fuck".
We'll thats all I can really say right about now. I had a good holiday season this year. New years was better though. I was with friends and it made all the difference. Christmas kinda sucked. I spent all day putting together a damn computer desk, and wanting someone to call me, but she was a ditz and I can see that now! Hopefully I'll update this thing a bit more frequently. Till next time, Adios.
In other news my Job still blows! I will begin looking for something else hopefully soon. I want to see what I can do in the day trading market also. I have a friend that is quite knowledgeable about it, and I've been trying to leech all the info I can from him. I always meet the oddballs and this guy is no exception. But brilliance always comes in an unmistakable different form. I did my budget last week. It seems that with bills and other expendatures I'll have an extra 260 a month left over for going out money. This I feel is just not enough. I didn't even add the money I would like to be putting away into savings, computer upgrades, beer, and other fun shit! So hopefully I'll get off my ass and get a looking for a new job!
Actually I don't have much fun anymore, the only real fun I can recognize is playing my drums. I love my drums. Even though I don't jam on them as much as I should. I do a little bit everyday or almost, but still I'm not sounding the way I'd like too. I know my neighbors have to be sick of them already, but I gotta keep it up. I mean it's the only real fun I have! I do ocassionally have fun when I'm out and about. Like tonite when me and a girl went out to Hopps. She is a bit loud and it was refreshing to see someone that was totally at home in their skin. I wish I was more myself. I just love a girl that can use the word "fuck".
We'll thats all I can really say right about now. I had a good holiday season this year. New years was better though. I was with friends and it made all the difference. Christmas kinda sucked. I spent all day putting together a damn computer desk, and wanting someone to call me, but she was a ditz and I can see that now! Hopefully I'll update this thing a bit more frequently. Till next time, Adios.
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