It's one of those nights when I can't sleep, and I want to express myself, but I can't. I can't play my guitar for shit ! I tried to write, but even that seems imposible. That made me think of Gavis, as I listen to Luckenbach Texas..she let me read her poem, something so private. My friend almost brother Ken isn't so well. I won't go into detail...because it's his privacy I might violate. This story all starts off with Jeff and the happy Pub. I want to cry...It just makes me look downward on this human race...Why would anyone want to make another human hurt? I can hear the idiot fuckers now...."We beat the fuck out of 'em" such childishness... I can honestly say I love Ken.. The recent weeks I feel we've grown apart, I've detached myself from him and Jeff. That's always how it is though, friends come and go. That's is not what is happening here though. This fucking world...I wanna quit my job! What has it done for me lately? Made me seperate from my friends and want things I didn't want before. All I want in the world is to be normal. But as the agent says humans aren't happy without some struggle and stress. All I want is a car, a house, a love and friends...and lastly happiness. Why is this so impossible? Why can't people be honest? Why can't things be better? Why do the sexes have to be so different? What the fuck? All I know is that I don't know nothing. It all always works out for the best usually..Stephanie had to leave so I could meet Dyana, but is this any better? Yes I think so....Dyana loves me back at least. One thing that bothers me is...I could look at Amy and see whole heartedly that she loved Ken, but what do I know...I'm still a student here...I keep getting taught "Don't trust anyone" is that what I am supposed to learn? There is only a few people I can trust...and two of them are my parents. Almost everyone I've ever met has been a disapointment. Those I know now, I keep expecting to grow into what all the others have been. Maybe things will work out, the funny way they always do. I just fear the loss I've always known.