I begin to recall what soberness was like, just to have it all dashed away again last night. I do stupid things when I drink. I like to drink. Its what i do. It is as much a part of me now as my hand is a part of my body. I don't really know when I began to realize this. But I do now. I do drink to get drunk, I drink just because I feel I need it. I blew 60 bucks on beer at one time before. Not that cheap beer either. That high power imported shit. I'm not a functioning boozer either. I break and fall apart. Like some gear has become loose and is gonna defile myself. You don't even want to know what I was doing last night, and where I found myself this morning. I don't know, not really... not anymore... And I won't quit either not till I am done. Not till something terrible happens or I am dead. One or the other.

Do you remember when we used to dance in the sunlight?

It was such a long time ago since I've felt that good.

Since you've left I haven't been happy

I remember in the park there were kids playing and the wind was blowing.

I sat and watched you chase the leaves across the cool grass

The sun beat down upon me but I wasn't hot

You ran up to me and laid next to me and wrapped my arm around you

You said never to let you go

but I did for a moment

Now your gone

I haven't seen your face, your eyes staring back at me

in so very long

I've forgotten what it felt like to be alive

I'm empty, just a shell

I miss dancing in the sunlight.

I got a new electric guitar.

Geocities sucks! I am kinda currently looking for a new electric guitar. I have one already but it is a piece of crap. I was checking out Sam Ash dot com, they seem to have some pretty nice prices. I dunno I really don't need a new one, but I want one. In other news... Umm I don't know... Nothing new really. I am constantly thinking I am going to get fired. I guess I am over reacting. Who else are they going to get to work on saturday and sunday? Oh yeah, the warped tour is coming! On July 29th it'll be in Tampa at the USF soccer stadium. I am seriously thinking of going. My friends Ken and Jeff and they're respectives all wanna go."Where is my coffee?" So it's like up to me to get the tickets and stuff, I hate responsiblity. I waste too much time screwing around with this computer.

I've been playing the lottery lately. I buy 4 tickets a week. I've come to the conclusion that winning the lottery is the only way i am going to be happy. The lack of money is keeping me from exploring the planet and discovering things that every human must discover. Take for instance if i was to meet a girl from Texas or Nepal and fall head over heels in love with her, i couldn't go see her. I'd be stuck here.... and that is what i hate. I hate being stuck in a situation, and totally unable to break free from it. Being a slave to the new world is a terrible thing. America the land of the free? I am not free, I am still bound by a unseen force. I am bound by poverty. I am not the priveleged class. I wanna win the lottery. i am going to win the lottery. I am going to win, that is the only thing that can save me from being here and now and stuck! So it has to happen right? I am going to win!

I've met alot of people recently that are stuck in areas of life that don't concide with mine. I mean I always thought that love conquered all and everything was supposed to take a backseat to that. I never knew that there was anything more, anything different. I guess i was wrong. It seems that life and living it takes a step ahead of love. People aren't willing to make sacrifices anymore to have love. True love i still think conquers all, but maybe what I've been seeing is just a fragment of love or soething. Not quite sure I'll have to get back to you on that.

Eureka! Scientists break speed of light

SCIENTISTS claim they have broken the ultimate speed barrier: the speed of light.

In research carried out in the United States, particle physicists have shown that light pulses can be accelerated to up to 300 times their normal velocity of 186,000 miles per second.


The implications, like the speed, are mind-boggling. On one interpretation it means that light will arrive at its destination almost before it has started its journey. In effect, it is leaping forward in time.


Exact details of the findings remain confidential because they have been submitted to Nature, the international scientific journal, for review prior to possible publication.


The work was carried out by Dr Lijun Wang, of the NEC research institute in Princeton, who transmitted a pulse of light towards a chamber filled with specially treated caesium gas.


Before the pulse had fully entered the chamber it had gone right through it and travelled a further 60ft across the laboratory. In effect it existed in two places at once, a phenomenon that Wang explains by saying it travelled 300 times faster than light.

Strawberry's in my eyes

While riding the London subway a few years ago, I watched as a woman tried to keep her toddler seated by threatening to punish him if he got up again. Invariably, the tyke left his seat once again and the woman quickly yanked him back down, again threatening punishment for any further disobedience.

To the surprise of probably nobody, Little Johnny bounced back out of his seat yet again the instant the woman turned her head.

I was reminded of that scene while watching Darryl Strawberry's latest court appearance unfold Thursday. By some accounts, Strawberry should have been called out on strikes Thursday. Circuit Judge Florence Foster said as much last year when Strawberry violated his probation. Screw up one more time, she seemed to say, and I'll send you to the slammer.

Well, guess what? She was just blowing smoke. Instead of a trip to the big house, Strawberry was sent to a substance abuse center near Ocala to continue his rehabilitation.

I don't have a problem with Foster's decision because, like Foster, I believe jail would probably do the slugger more harm than good. But spare us all the tough talk, all the hollow warnings of harsher sentences for repeated violations.

Empty threats don't help Strawberry overcome his addiction.

"Darryl Strawberry is at bat in the bottom of the ninth with two strikes against him," Judge Foster said during Thursday's proceedings.

Please tell me you're not really buying any of that. The judge spared Strawberry of jail time because that's how we treat celebrities. We give them special favor. We look at them with our hearts as much as with our heads. xr We give them second chances. (In Strawberry's case, it's third, fourth and fifth chances.) Sometimes they deserve it. Look at Chris Carter, a former drug addict turned minister. Muhammad Ali almost went to jail as a draft dodger, and he has gone on to teach valuable lessons, inspiring millions around the globe.

The book on Strawberry isn't complete. "He'll be back," Tampa prosecutor Steve Wetter told Strawberry's probation officer after the hearing.

Strawberry may be back. He's an addict and that's what happens with many addicts. And the judge in the case will opt for treatment over jail again while swearing on a stack of Bibles that this is absolutely, positively Strawberry's last break.

The action is fine, but save the lecture.

Foster did the right thing giving Strawberry another chance. He needs treatment for his affliction more than he needs time behind bars. But many addicts do. Not just ones who can drive a fastball to the opposite field.

Foster supposedly spent two weeks contemplating what to do with Strawberry, visiting a Department of Corrections drug treatment center where prosecutors wanted him sent and the substance abuse center where he's going. Apparently that helped her make the right decision in this case.

We all deserve that treatment. But do you really think judges typically do that for every addict who comes before them? Do you think if you or I had screwed up after being given four previous chances to get our act together that any judge would put the kind of time and effort into reaching a decision that Foster did?

Please. We'd both be wearing striped jumpsuits and working on a chain gang right now.

The problem isn't that Strawberry didn't go to jail. It's that you and I would have. The threats made to Strawberry would have been carried out against us.

Look, judges and prosecutors are part of our society, and our society is willing to give celebrities the benefit of the doubt. It's hard for many of us to see star athletes for what they truly are, examples of the same frailties and propensity for stupidity ordinary people have.

Foster went the extra mile to make sure she arrived at the right decision, but you have to wonder if she did it because of the star quality of the defendant, if his days with the Mets and Yankees kept him from wearing another kind of pinstripes.

Strawberry received the celebrity treatment. We all should be so lucky.

Things I have learned at my job doing Tech support.

1. There is always a server down somewhere

2. Things I thought were funny a month ago aren't funny anymore

3. They always call upset, admitting you have a problem is the first step.

4. I can fix only about 5% of the issues I get the rest resolve themselves.

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