in colors less known

What's my excuse? ... for being so nonchalant about the days as they pass and turn upside down. I don't really have a good answer for you, but I know I have been paying attention to the facts. It doesn't take much for days to turn into weeks and weeks months, but I do know that every day takes me further from the disaster that could have been.

The great exit is how I choose to remember it. I choose. I made it out just before the place imploded and blew into a thousand pieces. I wanted to thank you because I would have never have left on my own, but since I wasn't given the choice I consider it my duty to thank you who pointed me in the right direction. As I reflect on the time spent, it bears plenty of great memories only turning stale and dead in the last 2 to 4 months. And for me to spend any longer of an amount of time would have been the death of me, so I conclude that it were the best of times and the worst of times. It was the life and the death of me waiting the flip of a switch to transform from one into the next. I am only too glad that I made my exit before I actually did something I would really regret or turned into a monster much like yourself. You saved my life and I wanted to thank you.

Kmart is dead to me

I went out to buy more film for my camera experiments and ended up going into the Kmart down the street from the camera shop. Actually it was a Super Kmart, but that doesn't make it any better. I was hoping to find a cheap scanner that I could repurpose into a negative film scanner(no such luck). As soon as I walked into the Kmart I knew that I would just be wasting my time. As I walked the aisles in search of the electronics department I got the feeling I was just dirty and no one loved me. I felt like the undead, everyone around me seemed like a zombie content on staring at bargain priced soda and knockoff cheese crackers. The aisles towered above me narrow like a grave and were crowded with substandard housewares. The tile floor had seen better days, there were pieces missing, pieces replaced but not the right color or size or cracked pieces missing entirely. The space filled with dirt and filth awaiting the next old lady to come bumbling along to be tripped and fall on a bargain bin filled with rakes and shovels.

I finally found the electronics department, but no scanners were to be found. I inquired about film for cameras and was lead to a dismal display with 2 specimens of Kodak, both overpriced. I turned and left wondering why I even came into this place. On the way out I looked at the crap in the aisles and wonder "Who buys this shit?", but I guess somewhere someone needs a set of juice glasses with Betty Boop on them. The whole experience made me depressed, but I was hungry. I remember when Kmart used to be good enough for me. I used to be a Kmart shopper. I used to walk those aisles content with buying the crap they sold. I needed what they had to offer. I used to think the blue light special was kind of cool. I don't feel that way anymore. It wouldn't take much to bring those feelings back... Clean the floors, declutter the aisles, clean the air and make it smell less stale, make your store look like it's not a place where people come to die.

wash my worries away

I woke up this morning for the second day in a row feeling like someone ran me over with a truck. I'm not hungover, but I am tired... exhausted... I stayed up too late and threw off my sleep cycles. I need to go to bed earlier and get up in turn. The problem lies deep in self control and the feeling of need to stay up to lengthen my day. I also am totally into season three of Dexter and must watch as much as I can as soon as I can. I am an addict.

In contrast I have been shooting a fair amount of 35mm film lately. I have an amazing digital camera, but film has so much more depth and character. I never realized that before. I recently purchased an old Rolleicord IV from a local camera shop and have tweaked it to shoot 35mm which allows me to expose the sprocket holes for a neat effect, but in order to develop the film I have to take it to the store, then bring the negatives home and scan them. At the moment my scanner isn't the best at collecting the data it should, in fact it's the worst. I want to experiment a bit with medium format film and maybe buy a different camera to shoot 35. Either way I am going to have to buy another scanner if I want to continue with my own negative scanning.

I also brewed a german pilsner a couple days ago. I believe it will come out very good because I am getting better at the methods involved in brewing and fermenting. The wort was light and clean, the hops finished well and everything went smooth. Though I may have used too much carapils in the grain primary, but only time will tell.