I should be in bed now. I am being dragged to Busch gardens by my friend Jeff tomorrow. I really don't like busch gardens at all. I don't do roller coasters. I hate walking around, but it's better than doing nothing I suppose. Did I mention I have to get up early? I amused to waking around 1 or 2 pm and then staying awake till like 4 or 5 am. This is gonna suck!

I didn't call and see about wendy today either. I am such a wuss. I am beginning to wonder if it is even really worth it. She no doubtedly has a boyfriend already. Most beautiful women do. So now I gotta ask myself "What am I going to do?" I'd love to be with her, but self doubt often strangles me. I don't want to get myself all fucked up again. What to do? what to do?

Just a perfect day

drink Sangria in the park

And then later

when it gets dark, we go home



Just a perfect day

feed animals in the zoo

Then later

a movie, too, and then home



Oh, it's such a perfect day

I'm glad I spend it with you

Oh, such a perfect day

You just keep me hanging on

You just keep me hanging on



Just a perfect day

problems all left alone

Weekenders on our own

it's such fun



Just a perfect day

you made me forget myself

I thought I was

someone else, someone good



Oh, it's such a perfect day

I'm glad I spent it with you

Oh, such a perfect day

You just keep me hanging on

You just keep me hanging on



You're going to reap just what you sow

Also had another dream. Where I was a superhero. I had 2 sons. Maybe I was one of the sons. But anyways I lost my power and my eldest son decided to torture me and the youngest son. He burned us, and left us in misery as he went out in the world to have fun. Somehow when he came back he lost his powers, and while trying to torture the youngest son I overthrow him and then take my revenge. I pull out his eyes, then put them into another demension. There was this cool 3-d effect as his eyes went through some space-time portal and through like 3 dimensions. I remember one demension being like da vinci-ish. Then I bring them back and put them back in and they don't work right, and he complains. I say "whoops you wanted surgical precision?" So I pull them back out and toss them over my shoulder into the dirt. But they were just eggs and not his real eyes. Then he can see again and learns his lesson I guess. We all end up doing chinups on a high tension electric line. Wendy was there. I guess she was the mother of my 2 kids. Very peculiar dream...

It's been over a year since I've been with Wendy, yet last night I had a dream about her. I dreamt I went looking for her, and found her in a school where I waited outside for her and surprised her as she came out of class. It was the first time I ever fell asleep in a dream. She was glad to see me, and immediately we were back together. We ended up in each others arms. I said "Don't ever leave ever again" in a crying voice as we hugged. And she said "okay". Everthing was perfect. I guess thats why they call it a dream. Wendy is the only girl I have ever really loved, and I still love her...

Myers Rum ...Ooo La La, my drink of the moment

Dale Earnhardt, the seven-time Winston Cup champion and one of the most beloved stars in auto racing history, died Sunday from head injuries in a last-lap crash at the Daytona 500. He was 49. Earnhardt, known as The Intimidator for his aggressive driving, had to be cut out of his car after slamming into the wall at about 180 mph on the final turn of the race while fighting for position.

Thousands of Iraqis demonstrated in Baghdad on Sunday against Friday's air raid, which Washington and London said targeted five Iraqi radar installations in an operation to protect their planes policing no-fly zones.

"Show of power, might of muscle, I'm the president." George W bombs Iragi radio towers!

At work with the flu. Feeling ill. I am a trooper. I am an infector! It always has amazed me how a business or school can demand so much of my time, even when I have 102 degree temp, and feel like tossing my cookies, they'd like me to be here and be happy about it. And I've never felt quite so amused as I do when I'm at work hopped up on medicines. Everything is a blurry blur. Everyone is kind of one sided as I sit staring effortlessly at the keyboard as I type right now. Time flies by and it doesn't really matter to much, because no matter how long I have to sit here I will out of pure chemical bliss. As I stray from my point, it has always amazed me that a company would put it's workers at risks of all kinds of contagiants just to pump a little "work" out of them. Maybe it's just my company, maybe it's the corporate spunk monkeys that run the show. Anyways...

Everybody I know got somebody but me. Am I too picky? Am i fucked up? Whats the deal?

Note to self - (Had movie idea about Saddam and Old 70's Warren Beatty movie... you know that one where he wants to play football, and the Angel makes a mistake and takes him too early. Anyways either Saddam is taken too early and comes back in middle america and starts shit, or some peaceful guy is thrown into Saddams body, but can't speak arabic. And has to deal with the turmoil that Saddam has brought upon himself. Such as the Hiding in Palaces)

Okay...Ever see the movie on HBO called "Teaching Peter"? It's a documentary about a little boy with downs syndrome. Peter could be confused with being retarded. In fact I'm not sure that the two things are any different. Anyways they decide to have an experiment and throw him in with other kids his age, which happens to be 3rd grade. I guess little retarded boys like to wrestle. He ends up kicking some other little boy in the head. And he is always trying to hit somebody in the head with his lunch box, or lick them or generally kick the shit out of them. The teachers do little commentary on Peters progress. But I think the teacher might be borderline retarded too. As well as Peters parents... This leads me to think that America is on the fast track downhill. I don't think kids like Peter should survive.. I'm not being mean, I just think that perhaps it'd be better for him if he wasn't put through a life living as he is. Call me sick and fucked up..whatever....

Sometimes I think I'd be better left all alone. To starve an be hungry. Maybe to never exist. I don't care.... but I can't help but go along with what I am and what I've become. I am man, but feel like child. I am alone. I am a very ritualistic person afraid of movement in my world, and scared of changed. but yet always dreaming of thing that will make my life better. I dream of someone special to enter my life and tell me I am worth life, and love me, but I push all those that dare try away. What beast have I become?

People are strange....