I found a old photo album a minute or so ago. It has old pictures of me and friends and old childhood photos. I sure have changed over the years. Its funny sometimes to look back at those old pictures and see all the people that aren't in my life anymore, all the ones that have dissappeared. Its odd how people come in and out of my life, where did all my best friends go? Where have all those people even the ones I didn't like all that well... where have they gone too? Its not funny, its sad really... oh well.. I guess for ever person I loose, I get a couple new ones... or at least thats how its supposed to go. I don't even remember alot of the time that I spent with them until I pull out those pictures and take a peek.

Things like this only go to reenforce my general ideals about certain things..

The American Red Cross collected hundreds of thousands of blood donations after Sept. 11 knowing that the blood could not be used for victims of the terrorist attacks.
After selling some of the surplus blood to hospitals, the Red Cross has begun to destroy thousands of pints that have outlasted their shelf life. Directors of several Red Cross blood centers said their sites may discard as many as 1 of every 5 donations and the national total could easily reach tens of thousands.
The charitable outpouring offered an opportunity for the $2.5 billion-a-year organization to restock its depleted blood inventory. Although the Red Cross told the public that surplus blood would be frozen, it did not have the resources to freeze large amounts of excess blood, according to documents and interviews.
The Red Cross, which is the nation's largest blood supplier, declined to answer questions about how much extra blood was collected. Spokesmen said the Red Cross kept collecting blood because it did not want to turn away donors and hoped to create a reserve in case of more terrorist attacks. They noted that every blood donation yields some lifesaving byproduct, such as plasma.
The nonprofit Red Cross collects more than 6 million pints of blood annually and earns about $1.5 billion, or 60 percent of its revenue, by selling donated red cells, platelets and plasma to hospitals for more than $225 a unit.
The Red Cross estimated that less than 10 percent of the donations will be discarded, but some of its blood-bank directors disputed that. They said the Red Cross collected at least 250,000 and perhaps as much as 400,000 extra pints in the month after the attack.

I like the last part... "He was terrified, just terrified."


Would you tell someone that their fly is open? Michael Gelman had to do just that during "Live with Regis and Kelly" on Wednesday's show. Gelman told Regis after an interview with Tony Bennett. Then on Thursday's show, Kelly took several jabs at Regis when they discussed the incident. "In all honesty, I never looked down there, but now I will," Kelly asked how she should let him know, adding that she thought they should have a code. "The chicken is out of the pot!" she said she would say or "The Fighting Irish is out of the Field." Kelly told her co-host that the fly being down made her day because he's always so well groomed. Although it was all in fun, Regis said that he didn't want to talk about it anymore, but he said that he will never forget the look on Gelman's face. "He was terrified, just terrified."

'Gifted' children often become troubled adults


Intelligent children who are told they are gifted are more likely to have emotional problems than bright ones told nothing.

A survey has revealed that 40% of them had difficulty forming relationships in later life and normally ended up in mundane jobs.

The findings were made after both types of children and a randomly selected group were compared between the ages of 14 and 27.

None of those in the other groups had any such problems.

It was found many parents who encourage their children to believe they are gifted discourage them from having relationships with youngsters they believe are not good enough.

This leads to boredom at school and an attitude which persists through life,

Drugs aren't so bad. It's the addiction that is bad. So shouldn't it be "The war on Addiction". I am addicted to lots of things. Like coffee, tea, music, money, driving fast, being bad, not cleaning up my room, internet, work, sleep, air, information, knowledge, and the ladies. So shouldn't there be a war on this stuff as well?

The number of adults behind bars, on parole or on probation reached a record 6.47 million in 2000 -- or one in 32 American adults, the government reported Sunday.

We will all be under lock and key someday

I like being blobby. Nowadays, it seems like a lot of punk bands are getting buff. I don't really get it. Tim from Rancid looks like he could lift me over his head. Davey from AFI looks like he could lift 2 of me over his head. H20, Bouncing Souls, even Green Day are lifting weights. Backstage of the warped tour looks like World's Gym. Call me old fashion, but I like being lazy and sluggish. Being fat is a state of mind, not just a body type. Being fat is punk. It's telling society you don't care if they think you're a big fat slob. Who would you rather be in Animal House, Bluto or Neidermeyer? John Goodman from Roseanne, or Bob Saget from Full House? Misfits or Poison Idea? Well, that's a tough one. I'm not saying you should strive to be a 6.

FATMIKE---

Sasha Abramsky ... My hat is off to you. Anyone... Do a search on Yahoo and read anything Sasha has ever wrote.

READ THIS

In October, Human Rights Watch and the D.C.-based Sentencing Project released a twenty-six-page report titled "Losing the Vote: The Impact of Felony Disenfranchisement Laws in the United States." The report revealed that throughout the country, 3.9 million parolees, ex-prisoners, and prisoners cannot vote. And because of several little-known laws in fourteen states -- mainly in the South -- more than two million of them will never vote again: convicted of a felony, their disenfranchisement is permanent. Of those, 1.4 million are black men, including one in three black men in Alabama and Florida. In Iowa, Mississippi, New Mexico, Virginia, Washington, and Wyoming, one in four black men cannot vote.

THEN GO HERE. AND SEE WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON

I believe it is time for a serious re-evaluation of human priorities. As a species of such advanced intelligence and technology, we have the tendency to think of nothing but human advancement. We view the human race as being separate and above the life cycles of nature. This ideology of superiority over all things living and of the very land itself is leading to a large rupture in the natural order. One need not look far to see the ill effects of the "beneficial" technology.

Just count the number of super-fund sites or toxic/nuclear waste dumps. The hole in the ozone layer, that grows larger year by year with the ever rising climate temperature. The loss of wild areas, in search of more, always more, resources. These are just a few of the examples of destruction (there are many more) that the mindset of "human first" is causing. The very fact that we know the use of petrol chemicals releases toxins and pollutants into the ground water and the atmosphere attests to our continued willingness to ignore our impact upon our environment.

The reason for this willingness is, of course, that we have not yet significantly suffered the results of our actions. Although cancer is on the rise, the rate of extinction is increasing and natural disasters that have never occurred in certain regions of the world are becoming common,(i.e. tornadoes in Southern California), as a general rule we wish not to think of these things. No longer can we separate ourselves from wild nature, pretending that technology will keep us safe and intact. We must accept and embrace the fact that we, too, are a part of the natural life cycle, not above it, not on top of it. We must scrutinize the effect that we are having.

It is time for us to once again learn to live in harmony with the Earth and the other inhabitants of it. I am not suggesting that we go back to a completely primitive lifestyle, for we have forgotten far too many survival instincts for that. But we must have a reprieve of advanced, oppressive, life controlling technology. We must learn to live sustainably or become completely artificial. We have the means to change, the question is, do we have the desire?

FREE-

What is wrong with drugs?

While glimpsing through a issue of Rolling stone I came across the disturbing story of this guy. This is just another nail in the coffin of America. This is not the land of the free anymore.

I am quickly loosing whatever respect I had for the US. All that land of the free bullshit we learned in school seems to be just that, fairy tales told to children. We are a society of nonthinkers and we walk with our eyes closed, unaware of the world around us.

FORD vs. FIRESTONE

Lawyers defending Bridgestone/Firestone against accusations their tires caused a highway wreck said their client was blameless - and then pointed to the vehicle's manufacturer as a culprit.

No company sets out to design an unsafe vehicle. But creating a car always involves making trade-offs among engineering, manufacturing, safety, sales and advertising components as well as responding to consumer and competitive pressures. It is a wildly expensive process that takes five years or so to complete.

Look at the Explorer, you can easily see that if a tire blows out its gonna roll.

Everything at Mcdonalds has meat in it! Everything! Duhh!!

A pigeon trained to courier drugs between Holland and Germany was caught after landing in the wrong place with marijuana attached to its feet.


A German pigeon breeder from Bunderneuland, near the Dutch border, took the bird to the police after it landed at his home.


The drugs packet was attached to the bird's leg. Police are still trying to trace its owner.


A Bunderneuland police spokesman said: "We have heard of isolated incidents of this sort of thing happening before. Fortunately, the amounts concerned are always relatively small."

A TOTAL of 2,071,686 people were incarcerated in the United States at the end of last year.


The new figures consolidate the US lead over China and Russia in the total number of people behind bars, according to a list compiled by the British Home Office.

The Chinese prison population was 1.4 million at the end of the 1990s while Russia's did not exceed one million inmates, the list showed.


The US number includes those held in federal, state and local facilities as well as detention centres run by the US military and the Immigration and Naturalisation Service.


Although the prison population rose only 1.3 per cent during 2000 – the smallest annual growth rate since 1972 – the slowdown was not enough to prevent the United States from reaching the two-million mark.


The rate of incarceration at the end of last year was 478 sentenced inmates per 100,000 US residents.

now here is an interesting site about Atlantis. If you check it out I would have to go with section 2. I remember seeing Ducktales so long ago and seeing an episode about Atlantis. Now all those Disney movies are out. I love all that shit. I really really do. Eldorado, Atlantis, and even the fountain of Youth.... Those mystical places that are no more, or can't be found, but maybe than can... have you looked personally?

The supposed Drug war is a war against ever american citizen. Everyone I know has uses or has used drugs. The president even used drugs. I know of cops and mayors and officials that use. Useing drugs is part of being human. So who are they really trying to fight here? The poor black man. When this drug shit finally hits the fan and they realise that its futile. They will let all the people out of prison for those charges that simply don't exist anymore. I would sue...... its someones life not a thing that can be taken lightly. What a fucked up world we live in.

Small homemade bombs, apparently aimed at calling attention to a little-known rebel group, exploded outside three Mexico City banks causing slight damage and no injuries, city authorities said on Thursday.

Banks after insurance companies are the biggest assholes around. They steal... I hate banks...

PUNK ROCK IS STARTING A BAND WITH SOME FRIENDS WHO HAVE NEVER PLAYED AN INSTRAMENT BEFORE, AND PEOPLE COME TO YOUR SHOWS AND ACTUALLY LIKE YOU EVEN THOUGH YOU TOTALLY SUCK.


Fat Mike

The best RANCID site yet!

Following the Warped Tour, Rancid will head to Europe and Japan for a series of festival shows before returning home to record their sixth album.


This is very good news for any Rancid fans, also Lars had this to say about the rumours that Rancid were going to break up after the Warped Tour:


"I say this from the stage every night; Rancid will be making records in eighty years," Frederiksen says. "Families don't break up, not this one anyway. That's what we are first and foremost, a musical fucking family. My kids and Tim's kids will be growing on the jungle gym together, getting tattooed at the age of five.."

ANOTHER ALBUM.... I CAN NOT JUST SIT HERE AND WAIT!!!!!!!

A Muskegon man who authorities say admitted he was "huffing" propane and smoking marijuana, causing his house to blow up, now faces a felony charge. According to the arrest warrant, Miller allegedly intended to use the cylinder containing propane for the unlawful purpose of inhaling hydrocarbons ... to cause "a condition of intoxication, euphoria, excitement, exhilaration, stupefaction or dulling of the ... nervous system, also known as huffing."

So is he getting fined for the pot, or for being a dumbass?

Timothy DiPaolo, 26, was interviewing for a job at the sheriff's department when he admitted that he had made pipe bombs and exploded them in the past, according to Chief Deputy Richard Gagliano. After further questioning, DiPaolo told police he had recently made another bomb, but had not exploded it. He later brought the bomb to the sheriff's office to be dismantled and was taken into custody.

Gagliano said members of the State Police Explosive Disposal Unit disarmed the device, which could have been detonated.

DiPaolo was charged with criminal use of explosives, a Class C felony. He is being held at Cumberland County Jail on bail of $5,000 cash or $25,000 property. DiPaolo faces up to five years in prison, though Gagliano said the bombs were not exploded around other people.

Who knew this was against the law?

My patio is well lit by the summer sun, which illuminates the floor and the adjacent walls. Last year I noticed that when a bird flew overhead, it cast a shadow on the patio. The bird was flying at the correct height to just clear the wall on my right. Its shadow moved across the patio floor at the same speed as the bird. However, when the shadow reached the base of the wall, it accelerated instantly, climbing the wall before reaching the top and continuing along the flat roof, again at the same speed as the bird. If the bird had been an object travelling at the speed of light, then the shadow on the ground and the flat roof would have also been travelling at the speed of light. But what of the period when the shadow was travelling up the wall? Under this condition, the shadow would have had to travel faster than the speed of light, which would present a direct challenge to Einstein. Is there any other explanation?

Do you have nothing better to do than think of questions which are fundamentally easy to answer, but you yourself are to stupid to solve?

Over a period of thirty-five years, General Electric Company dumped an estimated 500,000 kilograms (1.1 million pounds) of polychlorinated biphenyls, or PCBs, into the river. The chemical, which is linked to cancers in humans, was banned in 1977.

The world's population may reach a peak of nine billion as early as 2070 and then start to shrink, according to a new analysis by Austrian researchers. Lutz thinks declining fertility rates around the world are the main driving force behind the slowing in population growth. The population will start to shrink when the average number of children per woman falls below 2.1 In some parts of Europe, fertility levels have already dropped dramatically. In Spain, the average number of children per woman is 1.2. In Russia the figure is 1.1.

I think that in areas of severe hunger and economic futility there is a overwhelming feeling of the species to not want to propagate. Why should they make it harder upon themselves by briniging a child into this world?

Injuries resulting from falls from playground equipment are responsible for a higher proportion of severe injuries than bicycle or motor vehicle crashes, according to a new Children's Hospital Medical Center of Cincinnati study of emergency department visits throughout the United States.

The goverment wants you to smoke


The early deaths associated with smoking have economic benefits, according to a controversial report commissioned by Philip Morris Inc. According to the report, the Czech Republic saved about $147 million in 1997 through the deaths of smokers who would not live long enough to use healthcare or housing for the elderly. The study was compiled as a cost-benefit analysis and delivered to the Czech Government. It applied the savings against the income tax lost and cost of caring for smokers before they died. But tobacco industry opponents have attacked the report as an attempt to show that governments benefit from smoking related deaths.

Scientists are saying there's a 9 out of 10 chance that the global average temperature will rise by 3 to 9 degrees Fahrenheit over the next century, and a 4 to 6 degree increase is the most likely scenario. The scientists are reporting on a new probability analysis. The most likely projected increase is five times the one-degree temperature rise observed over the past century. By as early as 2030 the planet is likely to heat up by a degree or two, the scientists say. The study is published in the July 20 issue of the journal Science.

Few outside Russia pay attention to who's getting elected in the boonies. They'd better wake up. At the grass roots, Russia is going communist again.
In two key regions of the Russian Federation, communist candidates were elected to the governorships Sunday.

No fluke elections, they are of enormous importance, politically and geographically, for these reasons:


• They tipped the scales.

Only 10 years after the collapse of the Union of Soviet Socialist Republics, 45 of the 89 regions of the Russian federation are now in the hands of Communist Party governors.


• Within Russia, that is not considered startling.

With shrugs of their shoulders, Russians in the streets have increasingly come to accept communist governors as the wave of the future, just one more reflection of the economic hard times besetting the Motherland.


• In both of Sunday's regional elections, a little more than a third of the eligible voters turned out – below par for Russians in the decade during which they have had the vote.

It is being regarded as a sense of resignation among Russian voters, who have seen little improvement in their lives since the advent of a democratic form of government in 1991 to replace the dictatorship of the Soviet Union.

Gennady Zyuganov, leader of the Communist Party of the Russian Federation, likes to say that people are once more turning to the Communists because the decade of reforms – beginning with Boris Yeltsin and continuing under his successor, President Vladimir Putin – has not delivered the fruits promised.


• The communist governorships are being considered as working to Putin's advantage.

As the Russian newspaper Izvestia put it: "It is clear that it makes no difference for the Kremlin what [political] color the governor is. The main point is that he should be loyal to the president and the government."


• These communist election victories occurred in areas traditionally least likely to be hospitable to communism.

According to Izvestia, "the Communists have [in past elections there] been supported by fewer voters than in the country on an average."


• Nor did these latest elections take place in some "red spot" of concentrated communist power on the sprawling map of Russia, which spans 11 time zones – nearly half-way around the globe.

The capital cities of the two regions involved in Sunday's elections are more than 4,000 miles apart.


• They are in regions crucial to Russia's economic power – and, in one instance, to its relationship with communist China because it is so close to the Russian-Chinese border.

One of the elections was held in the Nizhni Novgorod region, known during the Soviet Union days as Gorky. It is a lynchpin in the Russian economy.

Although about 250 miles east of Moscow, it is looked upon as an industrial subsidiary of the Russian capital. Nizhni Novgorod is one of the country's half-dozen largest metropolitan areas, a major industrial center producing aircraft, automobiles and trucks, agricultural machinery, plastics, textiles and electrical equipment.

The victor there was Gennady Khodyrev, who was once the senior secretary of the Gorky Regional Committee of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union.

The other region electing a communist governor this week is Irkutsk, lying north of Mongolia.

The city of Irkutsk, near the shore of Lake Baikal, is a principal center of commerce on the Trans-Siberian Railroad. Throughout its history it has looked to trade with China and the Amur Valley, a border area of contention between Russia and China.

One of the purposes of the recent Moscow-Beijing Treaty of Friendship was to dampen those tensions.

Now, a communist Irkutsk, so close to communist China, could well send a chilling signal to Putin.

DETROIT - Michigan police have used the state's law enforcement database to stalk women, threaten motorists and settle scores, the Detroit Free Press reported Tuesday.
The newspaper examined hundreds of pages of records for the Law Enforcement Information Network and concluded that abusers have turned the high-tech crime fighting tool into a personal search engine.

The Free Press said it found more than 90 Michigan police officers, dispatchers, federal agents and security guards have misused the LEIN system.

"I wouldn't doubt that it happens very often," said Lawrence Carey, former Plymouth Township police chief. "A lot of them are taken care of internally."

LEIN was set up in 1967. It searches the FBI's National Crime Information Center, the Michigan Secretary of State vehicle registration system and driving histories along with other databases.

It can tell police whether there are outstanding warrants on an individual, whether an individual is a sex offender, was reported missing or is deemed dangerous, as well as confidential information such as an individual's address or whether someone has a suppressed juvenile record.

A suburban Detroit jail guard, whose Internet name is "BRN 2B NAKED," allegedly used LEIN to gather personal information about a woman he met on the Internet. He then allegedly stalked the woman and later was fired for conduct unbecoming to an officer.

The United States is up to its usual bullshit. It really pisses me off that the once great free united states is becoming nothing more than a tolitarianistic goverment. Controlling its people like they're slaves.

If punk fans can't get excited about Rancid, and if the band's legendary players Tim Armstrong and Lars Frederiksen have to ask the crowd repeatedly to form a mosh pit, that's bad. "I was there, and it was hott!.. I was sunburned and there were too many 10 yr olds in the pit.

LARGO -- Despite a call from terrified employees, Largo police failed Saturday to investigate a man who allegedly threatened to kill the black manager of a KFC restaurant.
It marked the third day within the past week the man had made racist comments about African-Americans, according to store employees.
Each time Largo police were summoned to the Walsingham Road restaurant, employees gave officers detailed descriptions of the man and his car.
But a police report was never filled out, and an investigation was not launched until the St. Petersburg Times made inquiries Monday.
The woman whose life was threatened was stunned by the department's slow response.
"The thing that frustrates me is they seemed like they didn't care," said manager Brenda Daniels, who has worked for KFC for 17 years.
"You know those black people, you shouldn't be serving those people," Andersen, who is white, said the man had told her. "They should be killed."
"I looked into his eyes, and he was full of hatred," said Andersen, 17.
"You see that n----- manager, when she leaves, I'm going to kill her," the man said, according to Daniels.
Police were summoned a third time. Unable to find the man, an officer escorted Daniels to her car. Neither a description of the man nor his car was broadcast to other officers. McMullen said. "Because we had multiple officers who handled it, we might have missed the boat on it."

Bush and his interns. I see a couple possibilities.

Three-year-old Harry Branch-Shaw really, really had to pee. So he did what most kids his age would do — he found a tree and let go.
Then a city parks officer did what most cops wouldn't: He gave the tyke a $50 summons.
Actually, Harry isn't old enough to get a summons, so the cop gave it to his nanny instead.
"The whole thing seems so absurd," said mom Gigi Branch-Shaw. "I would've thought the city would have better things to worry about."

"Isn't this somewhat messing with the natural way the world works? Don't trees like urine? I mean it's full of Nitrogen and other nutrients for hungry trees."

If a dog comes after me, I will use any means neccessary to whoop its ass.

These days, police dogs are even being fitted for titanium teeth on their canine incisors to strengthen their bite. The effect is even more frightening for those who find themselves in the glare of a snarling canine officer. Although police dogs are living beings, they are in reality no different from any lethal weapon police officers wield, says David Harris, a professor of law and values at the University of Toledo College of Law. - ABCNEWS

Unlike Clinton, Bush Smiles Through Rude Greeting


President George Bush got a sharp in-your-face rebuke earlier this month while attending a Philadelphia block party to celebrate July Fourth. But his reaction was unlike anything White House staff had come to expect during the Clinton years.


Philadelphian Bill Langley claims he was in mid-presidential handshake when he told Bush, "I hope you serve only four years. I'm very disappointed in your work so far."



Bush kept smiling and never lost his cool, but through a presidential grin fired back, "Who cares what you think?"


That's not the way Bill Clinton handled up-close and personal criticism from the hoi polloi. Just ask Pat and Glenn Mendoza, who were jailed and later audited by the IRS after Mrs. Mendoza gave Clinton a piece of her mind at a 1996 Chicago food fair.

I really got nothing new to say.

FARK

What was I gonna say? Oh yeah.. I HATE MONDAYS! and I HATE DOUG!

On average, 482 of every 100,000 black men sentenced to prison are sent there on drug charges, compared with just 36 of every 100,000 white men. The U.S. Department of Justice found that of the drug offenders appearing in state court 37 percent are white and 61 percent are black. Statistics from the Centers for Disease Control conclude that the number of white high school students currently using cocaine in the U.S. is 4.1 percent compared to 1.1 percent of black high school students. That last statistic is worth repeating: White high school kids are almost four times more likely to use cocaine than black youths.

When Josef Stalin was on his deathbed he called in two likely successors, to test which one of the two had a better knack for ruling the country.

He ordered two birds to be brought in and presented one bird to each of the two candidates.

The first one grabbed the bird, but was so afraid that the bird could free himself from his grip and fly away that he squeezed his hand very hard, and when he opened his palm, the bird was dead.

Seeing the disapproving look on Stalin's face and being afraid to repeat his rival's mistake, the second candidate loosened his grip so much that the bird freed himself and flew away.

Stalin looked at both of them scornfully. "Bring me a bird!" he ordered.

They did.

Stalin took the bird by its legs and slowly, one by one, he plucked all the feathers from the bird's little body.

Then he opened his palm. The bird was laying there naked, shivering, helpless.

Stalin looked at him, smiled gently and said, "You see... and he is even thankful for the human warmth coming out of my palm."

Welcome to Police state. Where the police do more bad than good. Its become common to fear the police, what power they hold, what they could do with all that power. They come flashing there lights and making loud noises. Like rolling death. More often than not to enforce laws that american citizens never wanted in the first place. Since when did america quit becoming a land ruled by its inhabitants and ruled by its rulers. Cops never come to bring joy or happiness, its always the opposite. The abuse of power is rampant, and only a very small slice of what is bad in the world of the law will ever come to light. Tales of Wife beating cops, and Rapists that get away because they are the enforcers of the great lawmaking system. One question we must ask ourselves is who would want to be a cop anyway? ? One who is likes to inflict misery. Its like being the grim Reaper. To carrry a gun and baton with one thing in mind for they're use. Who wants to be a cop?

I find it totally amazing that packages I buy from online I can track with UPS websites have seen far more of the world than I have. And all on like 5 dollars of shipping and handling. I'm not sure why Transporting a human around the world is so expensive. I mean my Japenese car weighs like 200 times my own weight and it got here... How odd the world is.

I begin to recall what soberness was like, just to have it all dashed away again last night. I do stupid things when I drink. I like to drink. Its what i do. It is as much a part of me now as my hand is a part of my body. I don't really know when I began to realize this. But I do now. I do drink to get drunk, I drink just because I feel I need it. I blew 60 bucks on beer at one time before. Not that cheap beer either. That high power imported shit. I'm not a functioning boozer either. I break and fall apart. Like some gear has become loose and is gonna defile myself. You don't even want to know what I was doing last night, and where I found myself this morning. I don't know, not really... not anymore... And I won't quit either not till I am done. Not till something terrible happens or I am dead. One or the other.

Do you remember when we used to dance in the sunlight?

It was such a long time ago since I've felt that good.

Since you've left I haven't been happy

I remember in the park there were kids playing and the wind was blowing.

I sat and watched you chase the leaves across the cool grass

The sun beat down upon me but I wasn't hot

You ran up to me and laid next to me and wrapped my arm around you

You said never to let you go

but I did for a moment

Now your gone

I haven't seen your face, your eyes staring back at me

in so very long

I've forgotten what it felt like to be alive

I'm empty, just a shell

I miss dancing in the sunlight.

I got a new electric guitar.

Geocities sucks! I am kinda currently looking for a new electric guitar. I have one already but it is a piece of crap. I was checking out Sam Ash dot com, they seem to have some pretty nice prices. I dunno I really don't need a new one, but I want one. In other news... Umm I don't know... Nothing new really. I am constantly thinking I am going to get fired. I guess I am over reacting. Who else are they going to get to work on saturday and sunday? Oh yeah, the warped tour is coming! On July 29th it'll be in Tampa at the USF soccer stadium. I am seriously thinking of going. My friends Ken and Jeff and they're respectives all wanna go."Where is my coffee?" So it's like up to me to get the tickets and stuff, I hate responsiblity. I waste too much time screwing around with this computer.

I've been playing the lottery lately. I buy 4 tickets a week. I've come to the conclusion that winning the lottery is the only way i am going to be happy. The lack of money is keeping me from exploring the planet and discovering things that every human must discover. Take for instance if i was to meet a girl from Texas or Nepal and fall head over heels in love with her, i couldn't go see her. I'd be stuck here.... and that is what i hate. I hate being stuck in a situation, and totally unable to break free from it. Being a slave to the new world is a terrible thing. America the land of the free? I am not free, I am still bound by a unseen force. I am bound by poverty. I am not the priveleged class. I wanna win the lottery. i am going to win the lottery. I am going to win, that is the only thing that can save me from being here and now and stuck! So it has to happen right? I am going to win!

I've met alot of people recently that are stuck in areas of life that don't concide with mine. I mean I always thought that love conquered all and everything was supposed to take a backseat to that. I never knew that there was anything more, anything different. I guess i was wrong. It seems that life and living it takes a step ahead of love. People aren't willing to make sacrifices anymore to have love. True love i still think conquers all, but maybe what I've been seeing is just a fragment of love or soething. Not quite sure I'll have to get back to you on that.

Eureka! Scientists break speed of light

SCIENTISTS claim they have broken the ultimate speed barrier: the speed of light.

In research carried out in the United States, particle physicists have shown that light pulses can be accelerated to up to 300 times their normal velocity of 186,000 miles per second.


The implications, like the speed, are mind-boggling. On one interpretation it means that light will arrive at its destination almost before it has started its journey. In effect, it is leaping forward in time.


Exact details of the findings remain confidential because they have been submitted to Nature, the international scientific journal, for review prior to possible publication.


The work was carried out by Dr Lijun Wang, of the NEC research institute in Princeton, who transmitted a pulse of light towards a chamber filled with specially treated caesium gas.


Before the pulse had fully entered the chamber it had gone right through it and travelled a further 60ft across the laboratory. In effect it existed in two places at once, a phenomenon that Wang explains by saying it travelled 300 times faster than light.

Strawberry's in my eyes

While riding the London subway a few years ago, I watched as a woman tried to keep her toddler seated by threatening to punish him if he got up again. Invariably, the tyke left his seat once again and the woman quickly yanked him back down, again threatening punishment for any further disobedience.

To the surprise of probably nobody, Little Johnny bounced back out of his seat yet again the instant the woman turned her head.

I was reminded of that scene while watching Darryl Strawberry's latest court appearance unfold Thursday. By some accounts, Strawberry should have been called out on strikes Thursday. Circuit Judge Florence Foster said as much last year when Strawberry violated his probation. Screw up one more time, she seemed to say, and I'll send you to the slammer.

Well, guess what? She was just blowing smoke. Instead of a trip to the big house, Strawberry was sent to a substance abuse center near Ocala to continue his rehabilitation.

I don't have a problem with Foster's decision because, like Foster, I believe jail would probably do the slugger more harm than good. But spare us all the tough talk, all the hollow warnings of harsher sentences for repeated violations.

Empty threats don't help Strawberry overcome his addiction.

"Darryl Strawberry is at bat in the bottom of the ninth with two strikes against him," Judge Foster said during Thursday's proceedings.

Please tell me you're not really buying any of that. The judge spared Strawberry of jail time because that's how we treat celebrities. We give them special favor. We look at them with our hearts as much as with our heads. xr We give them second chances. (In Strawberry's case, it's third, fourth and fifth chances.) Sometimes they deserve it. Look at Chris Carter, a former drug addict turned minister. Muhammad Ali almost went to jail as a draft dodger, and he has gone on to teach valuable lessons, inspiring millions around the globe.

The book on Strawberry isn't complete. "He'll be back," Tampa prosecutor Steve Wetter told Strawberry's probation officer after the hearing.

Strawberry may be back. He's an addict and that's what happens with many addicts. And the judge in the case will opt for treatment over jail again while swearing on a stack of Bibles that this is absolutely, positively Strawberry's last break.

The action is fine, but save the lecture.

Foster did the right thing giving Strawberry another chance. He needs treatment for his affliction more than he needs time behind bars. But many addicts do. Not just ones who can drive a fastball to the opposite field.

Foster supposedly spent two weeks contemplating what to do with Strawberry, visiting a Department of Corrections drug treatment center where prosecutors wanted him sent and the substance abuse center where he's going. Apparently that helped her make the right decision in this case.

We all deserve that treatment. But do you really think judges typically do that for every addict who comes before them? Do you think if you or I had screwed up after being given four previous chances to get our act together that any judge would put the kind of time and effort into reaching a decision that Foster did?

Please. We'd both be wearing striped jumpsuits and working on a chain gang right now.

The problem isn't that Strawberry didn't go to jail. It's that you and I would have. The threats made to Strawberry would have been carried out against us.

Look, judges and prosecutors are part of our society, and our society is willing to give celebrities the benefit of the doubt. It's hard for many of us to see star athletes for what they truly are, examples of the same frailties and propensity for stupidity ordinary people have.

Foster went the extra mile to make sure she arrived at the right decision, but you have to wonder if she did it because of the star quality of the defendant, if his days with the Mets and Yankees kept him from wearing another kind of pinstripes.

Strawberry received the celebrity treatment. We all should be so lucky.

Things I have learned at my job doing Tech support.

1. There is always a server down somewhere

2. Things I thought were funny a month ago aren't funny anymore

3. They always call upset, admitting you have a problem is the first step.

4. I can fix only about 5% of the issues I get the rest resolve themselves.

www.fark.com

It's not my job I hate, it's the people at my job.

I am beginning to wonder what in the hell I am doing. I think in the last year or so I haven't accomplished very much. Although now I have alot of stuff! What fun is stuff? I still am not happy in job or love or life. I drink too much... I am going sober though from now on, at least for a little while. I think I tend to sleep alot less and don't do dumb things when I am sober. I even see how redundantly pointless my job is, which is a bit scary. I really don't do anything important here, other than give the few people that call me a warm fuzzy feeling in there stomach. But it's all Bullshit as far as I can tell. It's almost 8 pm and soon I will being going to get some food! I think it's Chic-Fila... I am trying to be more healthy, part of the soberness thing. I even did some pushups this morning. Life is pretty pitiful. It's the decline.

Life is sucking about now!

I left the Tuna cans out.. and the can opener on the counter, that is how the cat got so fat!

You know I couldn't sing that shit if i tried! well duhhh but even if I was like Pavarotti or some shit. Remembering words or anything at point of impact is where it all goes away. I forget what I was going to say and even what I was going to do. I studder and stop and eventually fall away into the nothingness that is me. But you know. i must be the fastest two fingered typer you've ever met. So fast in fact that I believe I would waste years learning the correct way to type. I am neanderthal!

A bit of NoFx.. Just the political shit...

THE DECLINE


Where are all these stupid people from
and how did they get to be so dumb
Bred on purple mountain range
Feed amber waves of grains
To lesser human beings, zero feelings

Blame it on human nature, man's destiny
Blame it on the greediocracy
The fear of God, the fear of change, fear of truth

Add the Bill of Rights
Subtract the wrongs, there's no answers
Memorize and sing
Star spangled songs, when the questions
Aren't ever asked
Is anybody learning from the past
We're living in united stagnation

Father what have I done.
I took that 22.
A gift for me from you to bed with me each night.
Kept it clean polished it well.
Cherished every cartridge every shell

Down by the creek under brush under dirt
There's a carcass of my second kill
Down at the park under stone under pine
There's a carcass of my brother William
Brother where have you gone to I swear
I never thought I could I see so many times
They told me to shoot straight, don't pull
The trigger squeeze, that will insure
A kill, a kill is what you want
To kill is why we breed

The Christians love their guns the church and NRA
Pray for their salvation
Prey on lower faiths
The story book's been read
And every line believed
The curriculum's been set
Logic is a threat
Reason searched + seized

Jerry spent some
Time in Michigan
A 20 year vacation
After all he had a dime
A dime is worth a
Lot more in Detroit
A dime in California
Just a 20 dollar fine
Jerry only stayed
A couple months
It's hard to enjoy
Yourself while
Bleeding out the ass
Asphyxiation is
Simple and fast
It beats 17 fun years
Of being someone's bitch

Don't think
Drink your wine
Watch the fire burn
His problems not mine
Just be that model citizen

I wish I had a schilling for every senseless killing
I'd buy a government. America's for sale and
You can get a good deal on it and make a healthy
Profit, or maybe tear it apart you start with
Assumption, that a million people are smarter than 1

Serotonin's gone she gave up drifted away
Sara fled though process gone
She left her answering machine on
The greeting left spoken sincere
Messages no one will ever hear

10,000 messages a day a million more transmissions lay
Dead victims of the laissez faire 10,000 voices
100 guns, 100 decibels turns to one, one bullet
One empty head now with serotonin gone

The man that used to speak
Performs a cute routine.
Feel a little patronized.
Don't feel bad. They found
A way inside your head
And you feel a bit misled.
It's not that they don't
Care. The television's
Put a thought inside your
Head like a Barry Manilow
Jingle I'd like to teach the
World to sing in perfect
Harmony a symphonic blank
Stare. It doesn't make you care.
Not designed to make you care.
They're betting you wont care.

They'll place a wager on your greed.
A wager on your pride
Why try to beat them when a million others tried

We are the whore.
Intellectually spayed
We are the queer
Dysfunctionally raised

One more pill to kill the pain,
One more pill to kill the pain
One more pill to kill the pain,
Living through conformity
One more prayer should keep me safe.
One more prayer to keep us safe
One more prayer to keep us safe
There's gonna be a better place

Lost the battle lost the war lost the things
Worth living for lost the will to win the fight
One more pill to kill the pain
The going gets tough the tough get debt
Don't pay attention pay the rent our next of kins
Pay for your sins a little faith should keep us safe

Save us

The human existence is failing
Resistance essential. The future
Written off. The odds are astronomically
Against us only
Moron and genius would fight a
Losing battle against the super
Ego when giving in is so damn comforting

And so we go on with our lives we
Know the truth but prefer lies
Lies are simple. Simple is bliss. Why
Go against tradition when we can
Admit defeat. Live in decline. Be there
Victim of our own design
With status quo built on suspect.
Why would anyone stick out their
Neck fellow member of club
We've got ours. I'd
Like to introduce
You to our host
He's got his and I've
Got mine. Meet
THE DECLINE

MURDER THE GOVERNMENT


I wanna see the constitution burn
Wanna watch the white house overturn
Wanna witness some blue blood bleed red

I wanna tar and lynch the KKK
I wanna pull and shoot the NRA
I wanna pay the lobbyists to kill themselves
I wanna dose the DEA
I wanna join the CIA (not really)

It just seems so fucking easy to make this
Country a better place to live.
Illegalize guns and lobbying
(Jail murderers and extortionists)...
Legalize drugs and prostitution
(Free salesmen and saleswomen)...

Murder the government Murder the government
Murder the government And then do it again yeah
Murder the government Murder the government
Murder the government and then
Murder the government

A PERFECT GOVERNMENT


Even if it's easy to be free
What's your definition of freedom?
And who the fuck are you, anyway?
Who the fuck are they?
Who the fuck am I to say?
What the fuck is really going on?
How did the cat get so fat?
Why does the family die?
Do you care why?
'Cause there hasn't been a sign
Of anything gettin' better in the ghetto
People's fed up
But when they get up
You point your fuckin' finger
You racist, you bigot
But that's not the problem
Now is it?
It's all about the money
Political power is takin
Protecting the rich denying the poor
Yeah, they love to watch the war from the White House
And I wonder how can they sleep at night?
How can they sleep at night?
How did the cat get so fat?

So today is monday, usually the worst day at work that there can ever be, but it ain't so bad right now. I haven't had a call all day, and my tummy is full of Popeyes fried chicken and mashed potatos and gravy. Myplay.com is working again so there is music. Minnie Moo's and hot tea later....Woo Hoo.. Hi Gina..

"Tequila!"

"Look I called over an hour ago where in the hell is my Large Pizza?"

Today is friday at least, it's like my monday really, but it makes no never. I enjoy the weekend really. Yesterday would have been thursday. I think i may have overreacted to my cell phone breaking. I went out and bought a new one which cost me too much money, don't ask me why I bought the most expensive one they had. All I know is that I wanted it. I had to have it. Then I went to my buddys house and sat around drinking beer. Speaking of beer by the way, I have a batch of a Red Ale brewing in the spare bedrrom, now I am consumed with bottling preparations. I have about 26 bottles, and I only need about 24 more. I guess I better get drinking. I am trying to keep the bottles all the same, and that would be Heineken bottles. I have a few St. Pauli girl; bottles and a few assorted brown ones. I'll use them if neccessary. Lael was supposed to come down from Gainesville on wednesday, but I don't know what happened really.. She said she got here then could reach me. I think her phone is Bunk. Actually I know it is! She should have gotten exact directions to my house before leaving. I gave her my address last night and showed her a Mapquest map. She said she would try again. Who knows...

and yes....I love you...

Napster is not dead! Let the spirit live on.... I just downloaded the "Beatles 1" CD...from Napster. I thought it was closed, there is always OPENAP, or LIMEWIRE which is a defacto of Gnutella. It in itself isn't and will never be what Napster was... and still is!!! Don't be afraid of the press people. I know computer Technicians that don't use it anymore because they think they could get in trouble. Napster is like the Spice Channel... I mean if your a computer technician you shouldn't be using NAPSTER anyway.. there are FTP sites for that kinda stuff..

I do not believe that the Beatles were geniuses in the lyrics in which they encompassed their music in. It was perhaps the actual rhythm and tone and percussion in which the did so. It was the outside envelope which consists of 3 beats really. All the popular songs have 3 beats, that repeat themselves over and over again. They vary in tempo and weight but still they remain. I guess when you find something good you tend to stick with it, but the part I don't really feel is right is that they are standard rock beats with a few minor alterations. Maybe they were the ones that created these standards. I'm not old enough to know I guess.

Gin...if mixed well is awesome!

All you need is love.... I always looked up to those that were happy... And wondered what spark flew up they're ass.

Lael...doesn't that just roll off your tongue...Laay Ele....Ahhhh.... :-)

Built new computer last wednesday. If anyone is interested

10x DVD, All in Wonder 32mb, AMD 1000mhz Thunderbird, Asus A7V, IBM Deskstar 30 GB, 256Mb PC 133 SDRAM

It cost me a little over a grand to build an almost top of the line computer. This new computer really rocks, everyone should have one. And don't ever buy a Enlight Case. They are a pain in the ass but look nice. I yanked the old 2 speed CD-Rom burner out of my old machine. Now all I have to do is get my hands on 100ft of Cat5 cable to network the 2 pc's together and share that internet!

Do you ever know when something just feels so right? and you don't want it to be that perfect? It's scary huh? Maybe it is just life taking care of itself. I haven't fallen in love in a long time. In over a year in fact. I keep waiting for "love to come along and kick me in the head". As Jeff would say.

Speaking of Jeff, he's been really nice lately. And I am beginning to wonder what he wants. In other news I am planning on having a BBQ at my house sometime soon in the future. Just a small thing with food and a Hot tub.....but it's so tough being alone.. so why can't I find a girl that wants to be with me. Maybe fate will step in....hopefully...

Tony Rich Project - Nobody knows

Thanks to  janunez@newgen.net.ph for these lyrics.

I pretended I'm glad you went away
These four walls closing more everyday
And I'm dying inside
And nobody knows it but me
Like a clown, I put on a show
The pain is real even if nobody knows 
And I'm crying inside
And nobody knows it but me

Why didn't I say
The things I needed to say
How could I let my angel get away
Now my world is tumbling down
I can say it so clearly
But you're nowhere around

Chorus:
The nights are lonely
The days are so sad
And I just keep thinking about
The love that we had
And I'm missing you
And nobody knows it but me

I carry a smile when I'm broken in two
And I'm nobody without someone like you
I'm trembling at night and
Nobody knows it but me
I lie awake it's a quarter past three
I'm screaming at night as if 
I thought you'd hear me
Yeah my heart is calling you
And nobody knows it but me

How blue can you get?
You could ask my heart
But like a jigsaw puzzle
It's been torn all apart
A million words couldn't say 
Just how I feel
A million years from now you know
I'll be loving you still
Chorus:
The nights are lonely
The days are so sad
And I just keep thinking about
The love that we had
And I'm missing you
And nobody knows it but me

Tomorrow morning I'm hitting 
The dusty road
Gonna find you wherever 
Ever you might go
I'm gonna unload my heart and hope
You come back to me
Said when the nights are lonely...

Chorus:
The nights are lonely
The days are so sad
And I just keep thinking about
The love that we had
And I'm missing you
And nobody knows it but me

My job sucks, I'm not afraid to say. They keep making stupid decisions, that affect me.. Assholes!!!

http://members.fortunecity.com/smokinscott/whazup.html

I should be in bed now. I am being dragged to Busch gardens by my friend Jeff tomorrow. I really don't like busch gardens at all. I don't do roller coasters. I hate walking around, but it's better than doing nothing I suppose. Did I mention I have to get up early? I amused to waking around 1 or 2 pm and then staying awake till like 4 or 5 am. This is gonna suck!

I didn't call and see about wendy today either. I am such a wuss. I am beginning to wonder if it is even really worth it. She no doubtedly has a boyfriend already. Most beautiful women do. So now I gotta ask myself "What am I going to do?" I'd love to be with her, but self doubt often strangles me. I don't want to get myself all fucked up again. What to do? what to do?

Just a perfect day

drink Sangria in the park

And then later

when it gets dark, we go home



Just a perfect day

feed animals in the zoo

Then later

a movie, too, and then home



Oh, it's such a perfect day

I'm glad I spend it with you

Oh, such a perfect day

You just keep me hanging on

You just keep me hanging on



Just a perfect day

problems all left alone

Weekenders on our own

it's such fun



Just a perfect day

you made me forget myself

I thought I was

someone else, someone good



Oh, it's such a perfect day

I'm glad I spent it with you

Oh, such a perfect day

You just keep me hanging on

You just keep me hanging on



You're going to reap just what you sow

Also had another dream. Where I was a superhero. I had 2 sons. Maybe I was one of the sons. But anyways I lost my power and my eldest son decided to torture me and the youngest son. He burned us, and left us in misery as he went out in the world to have fun. Somehow when he came back he lost his powers, and while trying to torture the youngest son I overthrow him and then take my revenge. I pull out his eyes, then put them into another demension. There was this cool 3-d effect as his eyes went through some space-time portal and through like 3 dimensions. I remember one demension being like da vinci-ish. Then I bring them back and put them back in and they don't work right, and he complains. I say "whoops you wanted surgical precision?" So I pull them back out and toss them over my shoulder into the dirt. But they were just eggs and not his real eyes. Then he can see again and learns his lesson I guess. We all end up doing chinups on a high tension electric line. Wendy was there. I guess she was the mother of my 2 kids. Very peculiar dream...

It's been over a year since I've been with Wendy, yet last night I had a dream about her. I dreamt I went looking for her, and found her in a school where I waited outside for her and surprised her as she came out of class. It was the first time I ever fell asleep in a dream. She was glad to see me, and immediately we were back together. We ended up in each others arms. I said "Don't ever leave ever again" in a crying voice as we hugged. And she said "okay". Everthing was perfect. I guess thats why they call it a dream. Wendy is the only girl I have ever really loved, and I still love her...

Myers Rum ...Ooo La La, my drink of the moment

Dale Earnhardt, the seven-time Winston Cup champion and one of the most beloved stars in auto racing history, died Sunday from head injuries in a last-lap crash at the Daytona 500. He was 49. Earnhardt, known as The Intimidator for his aggressive driving, had to be cut out of his car after slamming into the wall at about 180 mph on the final turn of the race while fighting for position.

Thousands of Iraqis demonstrated in Baghdad on Sunday against Friday's air raid, which Washington and London said targeted five Iraqi radar installations in an operation to protect their planes policing no-fly zones.

"Show of power, might of muscle, I'm the president." George W bombs Iragi radio towers!

At work with the flu. Feeling ill. I am a trooper. I am an infector! It always has amazed me how a business or school can demand so much of my time, even when I have 102 degree temp, and feel like tossing my cookies, they'd like me to be here and be happy about it. And I've never felt quite so amused as I do when I'm at work hopped up on medicines. Everything is a blurry blur. Everyone is kind of one sided as I sit staring effortlessly at the keyboard as I type right now. Time flies by and it doesn't really matter to much, because no matter how long I have to sit here I will out of pure chemical bliss. As I stray from my point, it has always amazed me that a company would put it's workers at risks of all kinds of contagiants just to pump a little "work" out of them. Maybe it's just my company, maybe it's the corporate spunk monkeys that run the show. Anyways...

Everybody I know got somebody but me. Am I too picky? Am i fucked up? Whats the deal?

Note to self - (Had movie idea about Saddam and Old 70's Warren Beatty movie... you know that one where he wants to play football, and the Angel makes a mistake and takes him too early. Anyways either Saddam is taken too early and comes back in middle america and starts shit, or some peaceful guy is thrown into Saddams body, but can't speak arabic. And has to deal with the turmoil that Saddam has brought upon himself. Such as the Hiding in Palaces)

Okay...Ever see the movie on HBO called "Teaching Peter"? It's a documentary about a little boy with downs syndrome. Peter could be confused with being retarded. In fact I'm not sure that the two things are any different. Anyways they decide to have an experiment and throw him in with other kids his age, which happens to be 3rd grade. I guess little retarded boys like to wrestle. He ends up kicking some other little boy in the head. And he is always trying to hit somebody in the head with his lunch box, or lick them or generally kick the shit out of them. The teachers do little commentary on Peters progress. But I think the teacher might be borderline retarded too. As well as Peters parents... This leads me to think that America is on the fast track downhill. I don't think kids like Peter should survive.. I'm not being mean, I just think that perhaps it'd be better for him if he wasn't put through a life living as he is. Call me sick and fucked up..whatever....

Sometimes I think I'd be better left all alone. To starve an be hungry. Maybe to never exist. I don't care.... but I can't help but go along with what I am and what I've become. I am man, but feel like child. I am alone. I am a very ritualistic person afraid of movement in my world, and scared of changed. but yet always dreaming of thing that will make my life better. I dream of someone special to enter my life and tell me I am worth life, and love me, but I push all those that dare try away. What beast have I become?

People are strange....

It's one of those nights when I feel like I'm the only one awake. Even all my online buddies are in bed and fast asleep. After all it is early sunday morning. But days have no meanings to me anymore really. I sleep till I awake and then trudge to work where I sit at my desk for 8 hrs and then I am here till the morning. It's become a routine. On my days off I sleep even later and then skulk around my house till the next day. I then start it all over again. In some viscious cycle. I've become bored of the outside world, and keep to myself. People enrage me, and only make me bitter. I've discovered Jazz, and it's become what makes me move or not move for that matter. I miss life and all that i never did with it. I miss wasting it.

Okay Ididn't mean to rant about my lack of cash flow, I meant to rant about SUV's and rich yupie fucks but I didn't. I guess I'm just as bad as them. But I own a Honda DAMN IT! It useless...I see that now....Where is Socialism when we need it?

The problem with democracy
What makes us as american think we are any different that any other human being on the planet? Is it because we have capital? Is it because we have all these extravegant things? Is it because we think we are cooler? Americans are the ones destroying the planet for the most part. With money there comes greed and disallusionment. We don't even know we are doing it, but we are. Some of us have monstrous cars that expell copius amounts of toxic gases into the atmosphere, and then complain about cigarette buts in the grass. People buying things they don't really need. I know it's not always easy to not buy. But in all honesty we have become a society that feels that we must have the newest gadgets and top of the line clothing. When what we have will keep us covered and warm. Business men wear super tight neckties, and $500 dollars suits whith $200 dollar shoes. Then complain about the Jinco's they're son just bought. Can't they see it's all the same? I do not understand, what we have become. "My car is bigger", "How dare you pass me, Vrrrrooooom" and we see the poor people and cast fear and hate upon them, but maybe they are free-er than you and I. They have not the same worries as we do. I've noticed that the more money I make, the more I spend. To keep myself fit within my class, Just to survive now it takes me almost everything I make.

My job is my source of income, my soul source of income. And I make $10.50 per hour. That is roughly $1290 a month. Minus $200 for the car leaves $1090, Insurance being a young single male costs me another $200, now we are down to $890. I drive 50 miles a day and fill my car up 7 times a month costing me $140. That leaves me with $750. And I have a student loan that is $100 and food which is $5 a day dor a grand total of $250 a month. That takes me down to $500 a month. So now my cell, burdines for work clothes bill, and miscellaneous credit cards is about another $100. So I got $400 left over. And it seems there are always unexpected expenses like changing the oil in my car, and going out to eat, drinking, Movie rentals, and coffee at 7-11, so monthly I'd add that up to about $400 dollars. So that leaves me with nothing. How did I ever survive before I had this job? I have no idea. I am at a loss of words.

I guess what I am really trying to say is, I don't want to work anymore. I don't see the purpose in working. If I din't work I wouldn't need a cell phone, car, business clothes, all I would really need is food. but now I've gotten here and I can't regress. It's all lost and that in itslef is the problem with the american system. It only gives you what you need and not what you want.

I'm at work... I'm bored... I'm cold... I'm hungry... I need a beer... Where have all my pens gone?

I know, I know, I fucking know. It's been about forever since I updated this page. I've been a busy boy though. Actually I've acomplished a whole lot of nothing in the past month or so, but it's all good. I've been working lately and going out on alot of dates. I've met alot of really weird people, and a few cool ones. I think I might write a book about internet dating, I mean I am the master. I've met girls and within a 1/2 an hour been out on a date with them. I feel though that I'll never find exactly what I'm looking for, because in all truth I'm not sure myself what I'm looking for. i thought I just wanted to meet a nice girl and settle down and start a average life with kids and all that stuff, but the more I think about it and the more girls I meet, the less I want Just average. Lets face it average is boring! I want excitement, and a real fire to just burn me! And I haven't found that yet. I also need more than average beauty. I once was in awe of an average girl, that had great charm and bright personality. But that didn't get me too far. I want to look at someone and everyday be in awe of them. I think Wendy made me this way, because I truly think she was beautiful. If she hadn't left me, and ran off. Then I'd think I would still be with her. She had a really great personality, and a charming face...and we understood each other. She knew when I was upset and what I was thinking, and I truly believe that scared her away. It was too perfect. But anyways.... I think I'm just going to be single for a while. And let nature take it's course.

In other news my Job still blows! I will begin looking for something else hopefully soon. I want to see what I can do in the day trading market also. I have a friend that is quite knowledgeable about it, and I've been trying to leech all the info I can from him. I always meet the oddballs and this guy is no exception. But brilliance always comes in an unmistakable different form. I did my budget last week. It seems that with bills and other expendatures I'll have an extra 260 a month left over for going out money. This I feel is just not enough. I didn't even add the money I would like to be putting away into savings, computer upgrades, beer, and other fun shit! So hopefully I'll get off my ass and get a looking for a new job!

Actually I don't have much fun anymore, the only real fun I can recognize is playing my drums. I love my drums. Even though I don't jam on them as much as I should. I do a little bit everyday or almost, but still I'm not sounding the way I'd like too. I know my neighbors have to be sick of them already, but I gotta keep it up. I mean it's the only real fun I have! I do ocassionally have fun when I'm out and about. Like tonite when me and a girl went out to Hopps. She is a bit loud and it was refreshing to see someone that was totally at home in their skin. I wish I was more myself. I just love a girl that can use the word "fuck".

We'll thats all I can really say right about now. I had a good holiday season this year. New years was better though. I was with friends and it made all the difference. Christmas kinda sucked. I spent all day putting together a damn computer desk, and wanting someone to call me, but she was a ditz and I can see that now! Hopefully I'll update this thing a bit more frequently. Till next time, Adios.