THE ORIGINAL "Crash and Burn" 1893 Drew Street Clearwater, FL 33765 (727) 449-BURN . . . . .. Could it get anymore fucking cooler!!!!!!!! Piss off !!!!!!

As a young guy I always wante to be Black....I always wanted to be special. Now as an adult I can see that they had many things to overcome. I'm not glad I was white by any means. White is normal...why would I wanna be normal? Black has a difference that scares some people and makes difference. I look upward to those people. Just because they are different than I. I can't ever be as cool as Shaft....or maybe can I? . . . . . . .. . . . . . .. . . .

I drank a whole bottle of wine tonite.. It was an 98'. Extremely fine and it mixed well with the two beers I had following it. Wine I have found is a great medium between beer and sobriety. I'm not saying I didn't get a buzz, but it was a romantic buzz... Okay now the one song I found good on the new Lenny Kravitz Cd was Track 7...Mr. Cabdriver...I guess.. but it was cool... It had a 70's groove to it, while maintaining Lenny's distaste for society. I truly respectable song from any punks view...

I must give it up to Lenny.... I never thought he'd release a greatest hits album. I bought it by the way... I do still buy CD's ..I think he deserves to have his CD bought. I enjoy every song on it..It's a good CD.. I give it an A++. especialally if you like that slow melodic 70's sound that he eminates... I like the nes "again" song...I think it's a really good song actually. It has feeling..which is not normal in the industry now...I see lenny as becoming.."Historic".

Robert Morton Downey, Jr... Hmmm what can I say? Does he have a drug problem? yeah... Does he act stupidly? yeah..... I think that this emphasises my whole idea about drugs. If people want drugs they''l get em...He "as in robert" has the afliciction of being a celebrity. If he was a normal person...this wouldn't be a problem.. of course he'd be dead.... I think the whole the whole idea about drugs needs to be be refinanced..that meaning...peole get high on other stuff that is sold at places you and I go to everyday.. The whole "War against drugs is doomed". If you can't see that then your blind. Huffers and whippets..think about it.. Does the sale of whipped cream need to be restricted? I ahve personally bought 5 cans of whipped cream and been acused of "Needing to get a life", but so what...i know I need a life.

I am getting better at drumming. I totally have the first little exercise down I was supposed to learn, now it's time to move onto lesson two. As for the Trumpet, I just don't have what it takes I think. My lungs are straining for air after the first 10 seconds.... so I truly believe there is no hope..

In other news.. Bush is our new president after much debate and calamity. I miss the party of the year last friday..and it's perfectly fine. I was thinking about going for about a second...but had decided not too, and it was for the best I think. I bought a little bonzai looking plant for my cubicle today.It's nice, and I hope it the best. Things go well for me recently. I had an exceellent Thanksgiving. My aunt, Uncle, and cousin came down from Va... which made it feel like a real Thanksgiving. I may go up there for Christmas...depends on if I can get the time off. I will try, but it doesn't look good I must say. I miss being close to family during the Holiday season... It's always better with more people around.

This next thing I am about to say carries much weight. I met someone the other day, who said they were from Russia. At first I was in disbelief. Her name was Anastasia. She was a journalist in Saint Petersburg. Now being an avid chatter, I have come across fakes and other frauds in the past, and I was beginning to believe she was one. I don't know why I really had no proof. just an inkling of doubt. Maybe it was her excellent use of english, or her knowledge of america. Anyways I was quite abrupt with her and Apologize for it. I should I guess speak with only people I know, but that wouldn't be any fun. I got an e-mail from her shortly after saying she was hurt, and that I should take feelings into account before I start making wild accusations. I know this is true.. I feel bad for making someone so far away feel like crap. And now there is nothing I can do, because the damage is done. So if you read this Anastasia... I am sorry

Every year she makes Pecan pie, and say have a slice. You'd think one of these days she'd get the hint that I hate Pecan Pie...

So did everyone have a good Thanksgiving? I did...I had the most great dinner, thanx Aunt Judy and mom.

I really should watch my mouth....I'm sorry.

A mosquito bit me right in the middle of my chest. Now it's all itchy... Damn my luck. I guess I should quite laying in the bfrontyard with no shirt...just kidding I really have no idea how he got me. Musta been a sniper or something

Work is an odd word. Kind of evil in itself. Work..... is a bad word. At least by todays standards. I always try to get out of work. I mean unless I'm getting paid. Then work is fine. I don't even work enough to wash my own car, so why should I work for the man. I truly think the american work ethic has truly went downhill in the last decade. I have friends that break they're back in menial jobs to make a living. And what for? Just barely to survive? Is this enough? If I worked 40 hr's a week and made just barely enough to get by then I would be 1 pissed off boy. Luckily I still live at home and have little expenses. I ahve a car payment and insurance, and what little debt I have accumulated...and this is still aburden upon me, until I step back and realize that this is why I work....not for luxury but the bare neccessities...and this would be fine if I had a filling inside my heart. Where is my cream filling? My Jelly torrete? It all matters what is on the inside...and right now there is nothing except my job and what I was born with. I'm like an empty donut waiting to get filled!

Sometimes I like to sleep till noon

Sometimes..I think I'd be better all alone

And I don't need anyone too tell me what I should or should not do

because I already don't care

And it's not my fault

Because I don't give a fuck

to what you say or do

Or even who you screw

Because I've given it up...

I wanna puke and it all not my fault

You make me sick with your political bantor

And don't care quite care for your face

Without a trace I wish you would all but dis-sa-ppear

and I sit and seek what isn't quite clear

so now you know what kinda dork I am

So now you say I always knew it anyway



Punk song for MTV .....

Why is fast food service so fucked? I went to Wendy's today, and had a simple order. First I wanted something on the menu they no longer had (a special) then I wanted 2 .99 sandwiches and one .99 coke. Then he said 2.13 was my total. I know this wasn't right, but he just forgot the coke I'd tell him at the window. When I get to the window he want's 4.75...WTF.. So experimenting I gave it to him, and pull ahead. I get tto the second window and get a huge bag of food. 2 sandwiches and two fries. I still wanted a drink though, so I asked "Where is my coke?" I was then asked for $1.06 more..no problem. Then I get my drink and leave. So I've spent 6 bucks now on some shit I never ordered in the first place. Wouldn't this piss you off? I think the people that work there just don't care, and honestly I don't blame them too much. They get paid shitty money and work serving assholes like me all day. So in conclusion...Wendy's should just raise there pay level. I'd be willing to pay a little more for some decent service.

I have a new boss his name is Charles. I'll miss Bruce. I hope this doesn't change Sunday (TV day). I newer things. I met a girl that works at Burdines...she's like a 10. I can't believe she gave me her number. Silly girl! I have simple but to get out more, I think it's all about the outside. I have relatives coming for Thanksgiving, but I will not be home then..I regret to say my job is my main focus right now... I am also planning on winning the lotto. I have done some research and I believe greatly increased my odds.

Here's a site for all the guys...it offers a few helpful tips when it comes to the ladies. Some of them are kinda dumb, but so are most guys. Put the mouse here and click!

This from MSNBC "after 2 a.m., when the major news outlets, including NBC News, MSNBC Cable and MSNBC.com, declared that Florida’s 25 electoral votes had put Bush over the top.
For more than an hour and a half, Bush’s supporters celebrated in Austin, Texas, while Gore’s consoled one another in the rain in Nashville, Tenn.
Then, at 4 a.m. ET, the news outlets retracted their projections that Bush had won, setting off wild celebrations in Tennessee. Shortly beforehand, Gore called Bush in Austin to withdraw the congratulations he had telephoned to the governor earlier. Bush communications director Karen Hughes said Bush found Gore’s behavior “unbelievable.”
Across the country, several newspapers stopped their presses to adjust front pages to reflect the sudden changes."

Ha Ha...What a dick!

And the Anti-Christ will have support from his father. He will arise from the ashes of a bright shining star and destroy all that is material. Bush has won! WTF Can you imbeciles not see that he was the chosen one. He is the AntiChrist. The master was right and the end is near. The third and final war is upon approach, and there is not a thing you or I can do about it. Except Take warning...!!!!

Until the end I am here.

727-542-3404

I'm home and have been for a few hours. I've moved my bed out from the wall, it looks more like a bedroom now, i think. It left the entire rest of my room in a scatter though. I think I need to get off my lazy ass and finish cleaning it. I think I want to paint it too though. It's always a pestering thing I get into doing. I want to do it, but then when I start I realize it is work and then become devoid of any motivation....and so it sits dormant half done till I am inspired again.I was thinking of a grayish blue sea color..with darker shades in select areas. Each wall being a different color natural. Too much of the same shade would make me mad. First I have to be inspired like I am now. And tomorrow I think I will loose all my inspiration. I also need some type of desk/contraption to store my computer/entertainment center onto. I think I will have too build something of My own to fulfill my needs. I am one of those people that decides....If I am going to do something then it should be done in greatness...but the only problem with this is...It is seldom ever finished. As with painting my walls..

I'm here at work now, it's monday, but it's like my friday...so it's all good. We won the lottery last week at work. 4 out of 6 numbers. that's $79.50. We decided to reinvest the money back into more lottery tickets..So now it's all gone..We lost. So it appears I'll be working for one more week at least. In other news if you like funny pictures and other things check this site out. I have three days off this week, and I have no plans other than sit around the house. I may wash my car... but even that seems to be pushing my lazyiness to a new all time low. I was thinking about upgrading my PC soon. The cost of parts and things are at a all time low. If you want to build your own PC and are looking for cheap parts check here. They seem to have the lowdown on just about everything. I'll be sleeping till 2 p.m. on my days off so don't call me before then. If you would like to say Hi, then call my cell phone and leave a harasing message. The number is 727-542-3404. I probably won't answer... but it's the thought that counts.

I am alone and I understand why...

I fear the look in the eyes....of what she may see.

A crack in my defense any weakness in my wall

I conclude it will have to be her

Or I'll be alone forever.

I fear....

I fear rejection

I fear interception.

I fear failure....and I can't explain it but

I fear I'll succeed.

I fear growth

I fear aging

I am scared of myself and what I might do

Why is it almost 5 am and I'm still awake? I have to work tomorrow brain ...let me sleep please

If your interested this is where I do most of my eating... and complaining about TPS reports...

It's amazing that I forgot how good this CD was. I suggest going out this week and buying "Soungarden Superunknown". It's an amazing collection of music really. It may be one of my favorites. Not for the more popular songs which everyone knows, but for the slow and experimental ones that I like the best. I like 6,10,12,13,14, an 15. I give it like a bunch of stars and a few thumbs up!

4th Of July

Shower in the dark day

Clean sparks diving down

Cool in the waterway

Where the baptized drown

Naked in the cold sun

Breathing life like fire

Thought I was the only one

But that was just a lie

Cause I heard it in the wind

And I saw it in the sky

And I thought it was the end

And I thought it was the 4th of July

Pale in the flare light

The scared light cracks & disappears

And leads the scorched ones here

And everywhere no one cares

The fire is spreading

And no one wants to speak about it

Down in the hole

Jesus tries to crack a smile

Beneath another shovel load

And I heard it in the wind

And I saw it in the sky

And I thought it was the end

And I thought it was the 4th of July

Now I'm in control

Now I'm in the fall out

Once asleep but now I stand

And I still remember

Your sweet everything

Light a Roman candle

And hold it in your hand

Cause I heard it in the wind

And I saw it in the sky

And I thought it was the end

And I thought it was the 4th of July

Head Down

We see you laugh

We see you dance

We take that away

Every day

We see you cry

We turn your hear

Then we slap your face

We see you try

We see you fail

Some things never change

We hear you cry

We hear you wail

We steal that smile from your face

Bow down to live

Your Life

Head down, hide that smile

Head high got to smile

Head high like a song you like

I am lonely... Tomorrow morning I will be helping Ken and Amy move some of thier crap to their new house. Seeing them together and happy makes me glad they found each other. It does make me feel alone though. Ken has Amy, and Jackie is cursed with Jeff. I think all I need to do is find a name that goes good with mine and look through the phone book. Paul and Wendy was nice....Don't you think? Ahhh Well that wasn't meant to be, but it was fun while it lasted. So I think maybe Paul and Michelle, only because I don't know any Michelles, or Paul and Dawn...I guess right now I'll have to settle for Paul and Killians...

Why is my company so cheap? Why do they always do the wrong thing? Not that they are going downhill, but they put the plants on the rows of cubicles the farthest away from me. I like plants. I need some type of greenery to make me feel less trapped inside this dungeon.

I say.....Vote for "none of the above". Make it your choice not to choose. If I don't choose what do I loose? So far the only thing I've been told I'll loose is my right to bitch about who got elected. Is this right? No..I'm still going to bitch. I think I could do it better, and I'm an idiot. Not that I want the job..oh no. My life will not be so conviluted with the business of a politician. The grasshoppers life for me. Dance and play, Dance and play..all summer long. While Mr Ant works works works. So Vote for "none of the above".

It appears to me that Geoerge W Bush was maybe....perhaps boozing it up and doping it up, and hiding in college to avoid going to Vietnam..maybe I'm not sure. With his fathers phat pocket this could and I think was done. Now Gore...with no rich father, had to go... and he came back and made something out of himself. I think....and this is what I think. I'm not looking down on Bush for having a DUI. I understand it was the past, but I also feel that his past overshadows the now. In this case, I can look at Duhbya and see that he is just a weasle. I think if I were going to vote, I'd vote for Nader.... Even though he lacks flavor and color...living in a black and white world surrounded by grayness. I think he is one of the best examples of democracy left around. I'm not sure if being a career politician is a good or bad thing. I think it takes a special person, to live off of society, and your only duty should be to help and raise that society to a steady and prosperous level. To be a servant of the masses. To give up all color and free expression and to be societies slave.

THIS IS YOUR LIFE

And you open the door and step inside

We're inside our hearts

Now imagine your pain as a white ball of healing light

That's right your pain

Your pain itself is a white ball of healing light.

I don't think so.

This is your life, good to the last drop, It doesn't get any better than this

This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time.

This isn't a seminar.

This isn't a weekend retreat.

Where you are now you can't even imagine what the bottom is like.

Only after disaster can we be resurrected

It's only after you've lost everything are you free to do anything.

Nothing is static

Everything is a fallen, everything is falling apart.

This is your life it doesn't get any better than this

This is your life and it's ending one minute at a time.

You are not a beautiful and unique snowflake.

You are the same decaying matter as everything else.

We are all part of the same compost heap

We are the all singing all dancing crap of the world.

You are not your bank account

You are not the close you wear

You are not the contents of your wallet.

You are not your bowel cancer

You are not your Grande latte.

You are not the car you drive

You are not your fucking Khaki's.

You have to give up You have to give up

You have to realize that someday you will die.

Until you know that you are useless

I say never let me be complete

I say let me never be contentv

I say deliver me from Swedish furniture.

I say deliver me from clever art.

I say deliver me from clear skin and perfect teeth.

I say you have to give up.

I say Evolve, let the chips fall where they may.

This is your life, It doesn't get any better than this.

This is your life, and it's ending one minute at a time.

Sometimes I think there’s nobody I can trust

I think that all the love I’ve ever lost has been lust

When Everything I know falls apart at the seams

And I’ve lost sight of my fragile but dear dreams

I run crying away like a child and hide in some stupid place

Everything inside becomes blurred and not quite right

Then my heart feels like someone came and took a bite

I cease to function, I lie awake but dead in my sheets

And still my stupid heart continues to waste its beats

I’m alive in my head, but I know … I’d be better of dead

Desperately Seeking a Mate

By Stephen Gregory

WebMD Medical News

March 20, 2000 (Los Angeles) -- Meaghan Muir wants a life partner. But the 28-year-old Santa Barbara woman has decided to take a breather after a failed 3-1/2-year relationship. At one point, the couple talked seriously about spending the rest of their lives together. But not now.
"There were differences between us," Muir says. "And I don't know if we weren't able to work through them or if we just didn't put enough effort into getting past them. When I'm being practical about it, I say to myself it never would have worked out, but sometimes I think, 'Did I really explore it? Did I really get into it?' "

Singles Seeking Singles

Muir is one of millions of single adults reflecting on their efforts to find true love. They want it, but they also know that it's harder and harder to find. And those who think they've found it are often mistaken. The rate of marriage is down; the rate of divorce, up. The number of marriages for every 1,000 women dropped 43% between 1960 and 1996, while the rate of divorce more than doubled in the same time period, according to a report published last year by the National Marriage Project, a research and education initiative at Rutgers University in New Jersey.
And the news on cohabitation isn't much different. In a study scheduled to appear in this summer's Annual Review of Sociology, Pamela Smock, PhD, a researcher at the University of Michigan's Institute for Social Research, finds that five out of six cohabiting couples end that living arrangement within three years, with only 30% of them legalizing their unions with marriage. The majority of cohabiting couples simply break up.

Retreating for Self-Protection

What gives? Some experts suggest that our longer life expectancy and society's growing acceptance of divorce mean that many singles (or once-again singles) feel no pressure to tie the knot sooner rather than later.
But one expert has another view. Many singles are emotionally rudderless in relationships because they subconsciously retreat from truly loving and being loved, seeing the emotional risks involved as too great, says Robert Firestone, PhD, a Santa Barbara psychologist. They slip into a self-protective retreat mode for fear of getting emotionally wounded.
In his book Fear of Intimacy, published in 1999 by the American Psychological Association, Firestone theorizes that exploring true intimacy is often anathema to the self-protective mechanism people have used since childhood to guard against emotional pain. Although many people enter relationships with the best of intentions, they often have difficulty getting past these self-protective walls, he says. As a result, they fail to achieve lasting love and intimacy with their partners.

The Solutions

Firestone encourages intimacy-phobes to seek counseling and to become their own emotional trainers. By urging themselves to take risks and bare their vulnerable side, they may be able to establish a true connection with their partners. "Defenses shut out emotional experiences and cut off feeling," Firestone says. "Move toward openness and honesty and directness and take your chances."
Two other often-cited pieces of advice are as obvious as they are ignored: Talk to long-term couples about how they were able to achieve a meaningful, long-lasting relationship. And learn basic relationship skills, such as how to handle disagreements basic. Too many couples believe that if they find themselves disagreeing, they haven't found true love. ''Of course they're going to have disagreements,'' says Diane Sollee, director of the Washington, D.C.-based Coalition for Marriage, Family, and Couples' Education, which represents a nationwide network of courses in building relationship skills. ''They just need to know how to handle them. You have to learn to understand and respect your partner's position even if you don't agree with it.''
Fear of intimacy, experts concede, usually can't be overcome quickly. But for singles hoping to become part of a couple, relationship skills definitely can be honed.
Stephen Gregory has been a journalist for 10 years and has worked for such publications as the Los Angeles Times, the San Diego Union-Tribune, and U.S. News and World Report.

so do I give up?

do I let them invade?

do I become one of them?

bugs

bugs in my head

bugs in my bed

bugs till I'm dead